keitbraycoach  

SELF-ESTEEM- Want Some?

It is no surprise, a vast number of the people I coach, and interface with in "service" work, do not have decent self-esteem. Ego and pride, many of those who are not living the life with seem to have these qualities on the outside but it is not exist in harmony with the low self-esteem inside.

We can help. The following is a good read:

"What a man thinks of himself, that is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate."
--Henry David Thoreau

"Let us think of ourselves as made of dust, and allow us to be as proud of it as if it were true. For dust is everywhere. We see it in solemn rooms streaked by sun, dancing like fine angels in a cathedral light. It is the stuff of life. And it drifts down on fancy tables where the richest people eat. It cannot be denied a place. And it returns time and time again like the seasons. It is one of the wonders of the world. And when no one sees or cares, it finds a secret corner in which to keep a solitary peace. It intends no harm. We find it at home on old leather books, the ones that preserve our noblest thoughts.  And from where we stand, it seems that even the stars are made of it.

When we feel low, unworthy, or useless, let's remember that these feelings are only a small but important part of us, that even great things are made of small parts and that we, as whole beings, are always greater than the sum of these parts."

COULD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM USE A BOOST?

The "Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery" is a holistic approach to getting the life YOU want and deserve. Small parts make up the "whole". You will not achieve the things you truly can without healthy self-esteem, including deep intimate love. Our coaching process focuses on building healthy self-esteem to allow you to harness all your talents. Contact us through www.hopeserenity.ca, set up a free appointment, and let's discuss. Coaching is done primarily by phone and is confidential and reasonably priced. Got a phone or Skype? So have we.

Your growth to improved self-esteem is only a click away!

“THE” KEY TO LIFE

In a search to get a life I wanted, I began a journey.

There were a number of things out of whack when the journey started. My wife had moved to an apartment leaving me in the home with our late teen kids, the kids kept their distance, the dog kept his also, my company was under performing, friends were pulling away, I felt alone and depressed and very emotional and there was no spiritual life going on at a conscious level. Probably more, but I well remember the picture.

In my pain, my heavy drinking, use of drugs, and use of mood altering behavior were escalating to a point where even the controlling me knew there was a problem.

I was reminded of the start point, and what happened by my friends at Express Coaching and the wonderful Dr. Randin Brons:

“All is mind

"I want to know the thoughts of God; the rest are details." -- Albert Einstein

Everything -- absolutely everything -- that happens in our lives has a spiritual cause. Mental, emotional and physical events are only effects.

When we are struggling with any challenge, whether it be ill health, a lack of money, a lost job, relationships, an accident, whatever -- we need to look for the spiritual learning. We can ask ourselves, "What quality does my soul want me to live more fully?"

"I went to the root of things, and found nothing but Him alone." -- Mira Bai “

14 + years later I have a life, for the most part, that I love. I am living my life’s purpose and have an over riding daily mission. Each day I try to grow. The cause of this major shift is spiritual, not religious. The journey I have taken along with millions of others is reflected in the “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery”. Interested in learning how to take a journey custom designed for YOU? Contact me through www.hopeserenity.ca, let’s talk and see if we can help!

THAT GOD THING

As I reflect on the week that was, I can’t help but remember how many times a fear of god and not understanding spirituality came up. My own belief is that to have any real contented success in life, you need a “spiritual”, not necessarily a religious, foundation.

Why do many of us want to fight a simple concept like we are all spiritual beings in a human body, and that as an individual, we don’t give meaning and purpose to life?

I am blessed to have so many people recovering “life” cross my path each week. I have many friends with very deep beliefs in a religion of their choice. Keeps life interesting. For my friends who have a religion- and I include Christianity in that- I am pleased for them if it gives them a foundation for living. Ultimately I honestly believe there is only one god, and what god is to an individual is terrific IF their belief gives them strength and direction. There is no right, there is no wrong; there just is!

Over to my book writing friend Mr. Webster. In his big book that is by my side, he tells me spirituality is a noun that means “attachment to all that concerns the life of the soul; the quality of being spiritual. So over to what he says about spiritual- an adjective concerned with or relating to the soul or spirit. Now spirit, Mr. W says it is another noun, the intelligent or immaterial part of man as distinguished from the body; the animated or vital principle in living things. No where in this little read did Mr. Webster say god! Oh my goodness.

So my spiritual condition has something to do with the life of my soul, something that is intelligent and apart from my body and it is a vital part of living things. Last time I checked, I was a living thing, so is the plant in my room! I truly can handle the simplicity of this spiritual thing. It is a part of me and is living, and it is present in things living. It is vital. One of the truths I learned in the religion of my upbringing, we all have a soul that is vital and the “spirit” is within each of us. Easy to accept that if I just don’t deny, there is something spiritual within me and that spirituality is part of what and who I am.

Funny, nothing I have read tells me I am god (even tough at times I was asked if I thought I was). I accept that there something bigger in this world than me, it has dwelled within forever (my soul?) and gives me God Orderly Direction when I heed it. It is a higher power than me; I feel its presence and things to go better when I do what I instinctively, deep down, know to be the right thing.

When these dots connected and I quit fighting what to me is a simple truth, I had the start to a conscious spiritual life, I have a spiritual foundation in my life and spirituality was something that was part of living. The concept and awareness continues to grow in my life, and I recognize it more and more in other living things.

As a reasonably intelligent human being, I chose to fight to spiritual and god/higher power thing for a long time. I could deny and support denial with rhetoric and intellectual horse bleep. When I let it happen; it happened. My higher power was alive and well despite my ignoring it and denying.

The Co-Creative Process of LIFE Recovery is based on a spiritual foundation. In creating a life that you want, this foundation will support it and help you gain the strength to make it happen.

Beyond 12 Steps

The following is lengthy, but well worth the read. It spells out learning that we incorporated into the "Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery". Additions we have made are indicted by the use of italics and underlining. We can be found at www.hopeserenity.ca or Google either "Recovery Coach" or Keith Bray.

Dos and don'ts for kicking addiction and treating alcoholism.

By Maia Szalavitz for MSN Health & Fitness

Although addiction and alcoholism treatment research has advanced tremendously since Alcoholics Anonymous was founded in 1935, many people do not know that equally effective alternatives to 12-step programs exist-nor do they know how to find them.  In popular culture, AA is often portrayed as the only way.

Worse, while reality TV spotlights tough family "interventions" as a way of getting people to enter treatment and often shows rehab as a "boot camp" or exercise in humiliation, research finds that both these approaches have significant risks, and other less risky tactics have equivalent or superior benefits.

So, how can you find evidence-based addiction and alcoholism treatment for yourself or a loved one instead of-or as an addition to-12-step approaches?

Here are some "dos" and "don'ts" that can guide you to the best treatment.

1.  Do start your search for treatment with a full psychological or psychiatric evaluation from an M.D. psychiatrist or Ph.D. psychologist.

At least 50 percent of people with alcohol or other drug addictions have an additional mental illness, such as depression, anxiety, attention-deficit disorder or bipolar disorder. But unfortunately, many addiction counselors do not have the expertise to diagnose these disorders-let alone treat them.

"If you go to a barber, you're going to get a haircut," says William Miller, Ph.D., emeritus professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of New Mexico, a leading expert on addiction treatment. "If you go to a substance abuse treatment center you'll get substance abuse treatment, but they may not be well-equipped to deal with the other things that come along with it."

Adds Alan Marlatt, Ph.D., Professor and Director of the Addictive Behaviours Research Center at the University of Washington: "If you get a proper diagnosis and evaluation, someone may be able to offer integrated treatment to deal with both without having to be shunted back and forth between substance abuse and mental health centers."

Since people with mental illness often self-medicate with addictive drugs, treating those conditions can be critical to starting and sustaining recovery.  However, in many cases, that isn't enough:  Once someone has developed an addiction, even if the problem that the person was trying to medicate away has been solved, the addiction may continue.

Avoid the chicken-and-egg debate-treat both simultaneously for the best results; also, look for providers who specialize in "dual diagnosis."

Please note, at Hope & Serenity we are "associated" with a respected psychiatrist who assists with evaluation and looks after all medications.

2. Do look for therapists/coaches who use "empirically supported" or "evidence-based" treatments like cognitive behavioural therapy or motivational enhancement therapy.

Although many people believe that treatments must be proven to work before they can be used in practice, this is not the case for talk therapies like those used for addictions.  In many states, an addiction counselor doesn't even need a high school degree-and some inpatient programs for teens are completely unregulated in terms of staff qualifications and basic health and safety requirements.

Keith Bray is a university graduate is a certified addiction coach and has worked with leading treatment programs and facilities.

Fortunately, there are several talk therapies that have been proven to help with addiction.  These include cognitive behavioural therapy, motivational enhancement therapy (sometimes called motivational interviewing) and 12-step facilitation for those who are involved in 12 -step programs.

The model of the 12 Steps is used by Hope & Serenity as a foundation for success.

Cognitive behavioural therapy involves understanding and changing the thinking patterns that produce urges to use psychoactive substances as well as altering habits that drive the addiction.  Motivational interviewing helps people increase their ability to change their addictive behaviour, by helping them achieve the goals they personally consider important.  12-step facilitation introduces people to 12-step programs like AA and Narcotics Anonymous and helps them affiliate with these support groups.

Matters are complicated by the fact that some people who claim to use specific techniques know all the right buzzwords but haven't been trained in the therapy, or don't apply it correctly.  Ask about specific training; ideally see a practitioner with a master's degree or higher and for teens, look for such qualifications in those who treat them day-to-day at any program.

3. Do make sure you feel safe and understood by the therapist/coach or treatment approach you choose.

While evidence-based techniques are valuable, their effectiveness relies on the listening skills and empathy of therapists who use them.  In fact, therapists' abilities in these areas are directly linked to good outcomes. A major part of coaching certification, and the success Hope & Serenity has enjoyed with clients, is the practise of "Deep" listening.

"You should feel respected and feel that the person is interested in understanding your perspective, not imposing their reality on you," Miller says. While many people feel that an ex-addict or alcoholic coach will be more likely to empathize, in fact, the coach's own experience is less relevant than her actual skills in relating to clients, he adds:  "'Is this a kind person?' 'Did I come away with skills I didn't have before?' is a good litmus test."

Hope & Serenity provides a complimentary session to insure a good two way fit, and uses proven testing to help insure effective communications between coach and client.

4. Do get as much social support as possible-and don't limit your search to traditional support groups.

The research is clear that social support for a healthy lifestyle is an important part of recovery.  But this doesn't have to come from 12-step groups-it can come from your friends, family, even from a hobby, church group or other interest group that opposes-or simply doesn't involve-drinking or other drug use.  "Look for people who are rooting for you to get free," Miller says. "If you don't have them in your natural network, it's important to find them."

The "Creative Process of Life Recovery" used by Hope & Serenity is holistic, and encourages clients to develop a strong "life" network as well as the network clients may develop in 12 step programs.

Many churches, temples and mosques also have religion-specific recovery groups.

5. Do consider the use of anti-addiction medications.

This is not a field in which Hope & Serenity has expertise. As noted, we work in association with a fully qualified and experienced psychiatrist in this area.

Some anti-addiction medications offer considerable help to those trying to kick drugs, when used in conjunction with other support.

For alcohol, naltrexone (reVia) and Vivitrol (a longer acting naltrexone, only needed once a month) help reduce craving by blocking opioid receptors and reducing the "high" from drinking.

Acamprosate (Campral) works by calming the brain's glutamate system, which is believed to be over-active during alcohol withdrawal and thereafter (though some studies failed to find a benefit) and disulfiram (Antabuse) produces an extremely unpleasant reaction if alcohol is consumed.

Interestingly, Antabuse also seems to reduce cocaine use-and not just by making it impossible for people to drink while trying to come down or by causing a bad reaction to cocaine.  "Something's going on," says Frank Vocci, Ph.D., director of the Division of Pharmacotherapy for the National Institute on Drug Abuse. "We're not quite sure what."

Two other medications that are approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration for other conditions, topiramate (Topamax) and ondansetron (Zotran), have also been found to help alcoholics quit.  "There's sufficient evidence for physicians to feel comfortable prescribing them," says Vocci.

For heroin or painkiller addiction, buprenorphine (Suboxone, Subutex) can be used either for detox or for maintenance and can be prescribed by doctors, not just specialized clinics.

Methadone is also useful, especially for those who have used opioids for long periods of time at high doses. Maintenance treatment does not mean that the person is still "high" or "not really in recovery"-neither methadone nor buprenorphine produces ongoing impairment when used as prescribed.

For methamphetamine, new research suggests that for people who use less than 18 times a month, the antidepressant bupropion (Wellbutrin) may help increase abstinence.

6. Don't accept treatment that is confrontational, humiliating or degrading.

For much of the 20^th century, addiction treatment involved humiliating rituals like being "confronted" and having your personality flaws attacked in brutal detail. "There's no evidence that it's helpful and there is evidence that it's harmful," says Miller, "Don't buy the line that it's good for you or the only language your addicted child can understand.  There's no scientific evidence for it-it's simply cruelty."

At Hope & Serenity, we work in a spirit of trust, not confrontation. The positive growth of YOUR self-esteem is our focus.

7. Don't think a formal "intervention," in which family members confront the addict about his or her problem, is the only way to help.

Although the reality show "Intervention" presents this as current practice, there are gentler, more productive techniques. Community Reinforcement and Family Therapy has been found to be twice as effective in helping families get loved ones into recovery. A book on how to do it if you can't find a local coach/therapist who practices it is now available.

At Hope & Serenity, we do offer this service. We believe that addiction affects the whole family, and so does recovery. There are times when employers may be a part of the process.

Traditional interventions can produce family rifts and are even implicated in some suicides.  "The evidence doesn't support it," Marlatt says. "Courtney Love pulled together an intervention on [rock star] Kurt Cobain. A few days later, he committed suicide."

In contrast, CRAFT offers positive steps to help families attract their loved ones into recovery.  It teaches practical techniques to families which involve helping the addicted member associate negative consequences with substance use and offering hope, rather than fear, to motivate change.

8. Don't assume inpatient treatment is superior to outpatient treatment.

Hope & Serenity offers an option to "in-patient" treatment at affordable costs. Our services are also effective for after care. We help clients to build complete and balanced lives that they love.

People tend to believe that more expensive is better-but in fact, research doesn't find costly inpatient rehab to be superior to outpatient, except for people who are homeless.

"It's marketed to parents-'Mortgage your house to pay for our treatment to save your kid's life,'" Miller says. "But ultimately, the kid has to deal with life back in the community. They'll say, 'Sure, you need aftercare.'  Well, what is aftercare?  Outpatient treatment!  And then the question is why you need hospitalization to begin with."

"It's not a sprint, it's a marathon," says Horvath, "If you only have a limited amount of money to spend, it's better to spend over a longer period of time than a shorter one."

Vocci notes that if people stick with any kind of treatment for 90 days or more, the outcomes are much better.  "We don't know why, but that does seem to be the case," he says.

9. Don't use a facility for "troubled teens" that treats multiple disorders with a one-size-fits-all approach.

Some "boot camps," "wilderness programs" and "emotional growth boarding schools" are marketed to parents as solutions for addiction problems.  There is no evidence that these are more effective than alternatives which have proven results-and because the regulations on these programs are lax (in some states, non-existent), they can be dangerous.  These programs also claim to treat other disorders like depression and Asperger's syndrome-but the treatment is not individualized.  "One size does not fit all," says Marlatt.

10. Don't give up!

Studies find that smokers-who have what addicts with experience kicking multiple drugs say is the hardest addiction to quit-often try nearly a dozen times before they succeed.  "When someone says, 'I can't do it, I've relapsed four times,' I say, keep trying, you're not even halfway there yet," says Marlatt.

"Persistence is the greatest virtue in recovery," says Horvath, "If you keep making mistakes but work to understand them, eventually you will run out of mistakes to make.  In SMART, we say, if you slip or relapse, please come talk about it because everyone will learn from it." This is a shared belief at Hope & Serenity.

"We are blessed with a nice range of evidence-based treatments," says Miller, "If what you are trying isn't working, try something else."

Maia Szalavitz is a freelance journalist and senior fellow at media watchdog, stats.org.She is co-author with Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD, of The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog and Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook: What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love and Healing (Basic, 2007).

12 STEPS- LIVING AFTER WORKING

NOW IS THE TIME TO EMBRACE CO-CREATIVE RECOVERY

After we have worked the 12 steps to the best of our ability, we have started a journey that offers unlimited potential. What we do from here is critical.

We have made tremendous change in our life. We have begun the practice of good mental hygiene and are humbly confidant in who we are. We once again care for ourselves, and in doing so, have a far better ability to positively interact with others. We have begun a spiritual life with a higher power we understand, and feel the presence of this higher power on a regular basis. We have started to live a more “balanced” life. We feel daily the benefits of the work that we have done.

What now??

It is time to keep working the steps, but, GET A LIFE!

Unfortunately, I have seen people get addicted to their 12 Step program. You can have worse addictions, but my higher power gave me a chance to have a full and balanced life through living the 12 Steps, practicing good mental hygiene, and getting the help in needed to have a complete and happy life where I had the ability to live many of my dreams.

Balance is the key.

Unfortunately, the failure rate of those who attend a 12 Step meeting and/or go through rehab is very (95 %+) high. While I don’t have stats, I would bet the success rate is very much better to those who have honestly “worked” the 12 Steps and live them. They are a real foundation for living.

Our improved way of living, when used as a base for holistic living, can give us new opportunities in our financial lives and careers, in all relationships, in bettering our education, in new hobbies, in our spiritual life, you dream it, it can be done! The horizons are without limit if we keep our new foundation solid!

It is based on this knowledge that Patrick Meninga started putting together the Creative Theory of Life Recovery (www.spiritualriver.com). Through who knows how, Patrick and I connected, have a common desire to see more people find what we have found, and have evolved a coaching process for clients, the “Co-Creative Process of Life Recovery”. It works for those who truly want more out of life, and can be honest.

Co-Creative, yes, because it involves more than the client in the process.

So there we are, 12 Steps, hopefully kept simple for those who have been following; reviewed for me and my own journey.

If we can help you with the STEPS we’re here. If we can coach you to new success in YOUR life, please contact through www.creativeliferecovery.com or www.hopeserenity.ca to set up a complimentary getting to know each other session. We guarantee results!