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Vision – Got one?

There is a daily blog that I love done by a fellow named Patrick who resides in Michigan. It can be found under “Spiritual River” and is one of the best feeds I’ve been exposed to on the net! I am hoping Patrick and I find a way to work together, I love a lot of his thinking.

Below is a piece of an article Patrick has written. Its keyword-Vision- to me is a self-standing issue and is at the heart of coaching.

“There is a huge movement out there about “living with purpose.” That’s what vision is about. Big meaty goals for your life. When you’re living clean and sober in recovery, having a vision
to aspire to makes it all worthwhile. I’m also convinced that having a vision/goal/purpose is the drive necessary to propel you in the creative life in recovery…..it is not enough to merely want to avoid the misery of addiction.”

I love the phrase Patrick has used, “Big Meaty Goals”. Have you got them for your life? Have I truly got them for mine?

Patrick and I share a passion for recovery and living addiction free. That being said, there is something all should realise, and it’s a lesson my coaching training and life experience have drilled through my head.

Most people have problems in their life. With some it’s addictions, with others relationships, and yet other confidence. Not matter that, most of us have issues that hold back our full enjoyment of life.

Goal setting-big meaty goals- is the backbone of coaching. The fundamentals of a great recovery program are as applicable to the non-addicted as to the addicted. We set goals, look at how to achieve them, get straight with ourselves, and take responsibility for our success. It is a learned skill, and unfortunately or fortunately, some of us have paid a very high price to learn the skills. That price was self-love and all that goes with it.

From a monetary standpoint (not to mention spiritual and emotional) I paid a huge price to join a 12 step club, and paid it over a long period of time. I lacked vision.

Thanks Patrick and Spiritual River for the great thought. I hope those that read this will become a part of your followers!

So here is the challenge, what are we going to do to live with purpose?? Got any “big meaty goals” for you life? Have we got a vision??

Taking Risks- Getting Outside the Box

I’m a real Canadian, and as such, a hockey fan. Wayne Gretzky is a hero.

I was coaching a client this morning who shared a great statement he ascribed to “The Great One”.

“You’ll miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”

How true is that? What do we miss because fear or a lack of confidence in our own innate abilities holds us back; stop us from taking the shot?

We’ll never score in life if we don’t take a chance.

In my business careers, I talked to staff about sins; sins of commission and sins of omission. I never went nuts at anyone who failed trying (unless they did the same thing repeatedly) but had very little patience for senior level employees who would not try things.

Can you relate?

If you’re risk adverse and afraid to act outside the box, what’s holding you back?

A journey of discovery into you can offer answers!!

If you don’t shoot the puck, you’ll never achieve the goal. Go ahead, take a chance.

In My Head-and not paying rent

For a number of years, I have been told resentments will tear me apart if I don’t deal with them. I was told, and it remains true today, that resentments are like a tenant in an apartment building who occupy space but pay no rent. The space in my head is at a premium, and I need it to be occupied gainfully. I can’t afford freeloaders.

“It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harbouring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.”© 2001, AAWS, Inc., Alcoholics Anonymous, page 66

I draw much of my strength from things learned from the 12 steps as written in the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. PLEASE BE AWARE that while the publication was written for those with problems with alcohol, the principals of the steps have long be recognised as a model for any human being to live a healthy life mentally. Forget the word alcohol as written above UNLESS it applies to you. Resentments are a grave malady for all human beings if allowed to live on in the head, and are not dealt with.

I have found that in dealing with my own past, as much as I did not think I was carrying them, I had some deep seeded resentment that I really had to dig out, and I had carried them below the surface for decades. They truly did shut me out from appreciating the full sunshine of life.

While along way from perfect even today, I became aware of the resentments I was carrying through work directed by others, and following the guides of the steps. To the best of my ability, I have dealt with long standing resentments, and in doing so, have been able to grow spiritually and grow as a person.

My journey to a better life came because of an inner feeling that there was a better life available.

Along the journey, I have faced some real issues, including addictions to substance and behaviours. Identifying and dealing with resentments played a huge role in the recovery of a life that has hope and serenity as key elements on a daily basis.

Perfect? No. Improved? Yes.

Are resentments occupying valuable space in your head and not paying rent? Are resentments keeping you from living the life you desire and deserve?

You do have a choice and freedom is available to those who are prepared to change.

It Is Only On Loan

Those who know me know that I’m an avid golfer. Every now and again, and usually out of the blue, I have a remarkably good round. The one lesson a friend instilled in me is that “it is only on loan”. That usually proves to be true!

While reading today, I came across the following that certainly reminded me of the adage, and took it deeper.

“Life is a series of letting go's - an "infinite" series of letting go's. All things in life are given us on loan. . . . Once we have learned to let go, we are prepared for whatever life gives us. And death itself is nothing to be feared.
--Matthew Fox

For many years, I resisted the concept of letting go. I resisted mostly because I didn't understand what people were talking about. I'd be loudly obsessing about something. "Just let go," they'd say. "Okay," I'd say. Then I'd walk away and wonder what they meant, and mostly how to do it. Soon, I caught on. 

Letting go is a behaviour we can practice each day, whatever the circumstances in our lives. It's a behaviour that benefits relationships we want to work. It's a helpful behaviour in insane relationships, too. It's a useful tool to use when we really want to bring something or someone into our lives, and in accomplishing our goals. It's a helpful tool to use on outdated behaviours such as low self-esteem and manipulation.

Letting go takes the emotional charge, the drama, out of things and restores us to a sense of balance, peace, and spiritual power.

Letting go works well on the past and the future. It brings us into today.

Paraphrasing the mystic writer Matthew Fox, everything that comes, comes to pass. Demystify letting go. It's not as complicated as it sounds. Learning the art of letting go really means learning to calmly let things be.”

These are certainly wise words, easier to look at and intellectually accept than put in to practise.

There are emotional situations, primarily revolving around family, that do happen in life. My tool kit tells me to let go; but easier said than done. Some of these thoughts have played on me a caused stress and little black clouds!

My inability to let go immediately has caused doubts in some of my basic beliefs, but then sanity returns.

As I look back as to what was really bothering me a month ago, I appreciate it was “only on loan” as was the last great golf game I had.  Time to go to greener pasture and see if I can loan it back. I’ve let go of what happened yesterday and know today is a new day!!

FAMILY – The Weekend Thought

One of the most important things in my life is family, yet sometimes I wonder why.

As I start a new week, the thought of family and relationships is foremost in my mind. Funny, I’m reminded, you can pick your friends, and you can’t pick your family.

In these thoughts, I must remember the father I was while in active addiction. I loved my kids, but did not love myself. I honestly did the best I could as a father, but I will never win the father of the year award. Materially, the kids wanted for nothing. Emotionally, I could give them what I had, but for a long period, that was neither deep nor mature. I attended everything I could, tried my best to be there, but even today, still see the results of some of my behaviors from pre-recovery.

My mother was with our family group yesterday as we celebrated two August birthdays. While I’ve made huge progress in dealing with my “mother” issues over the last years, and particularly through some great coaching over this past year, my mother is an in my face reminder of where I learned my parenting skills.

Funny, today I appreciate that she did the best she could.

Over the last 10 days, I’ve had a couple of in depth sessions with clients. Both had stated that they had self-esteem issues. As we took a journey through their past, there it was again, the devastation caused by things that happened in early childhood! Scary the impact that period of life can have going forward, frightening as to how few people deal with it.

I have dealt with my own issues for over a decade.

At our family get together, and in the midst of a major concern with one of our own children (and her daughter), I am reminded of the importance of family, and the need to break cycles.

There was addiction in my family, and I certainly paid the price emotionally. I became addicted, and am fortunate that people cared enough for me to put me in a corner that made me realize I was addicted and through a power outside myself, gave me the courage to take action. For that I am grateful.

My kids were teenagers when all this happened, and were given a “family” program. They are more aware today of the impacts of parenting than I was, yet the impact I had on the family unit remains. Some have worked on “life” recovery, and the benefits show clearly. One in particular chooses to remain a victim, and havoc remains.

I have done the best I can to make amends, help is available, but I can’t fix nor be responsible any more. My children are adults and as best I can, I try not to control their lives.

On the flip side, there is a bond and support among the “family” that money can’t buy, and through recovery, there is also a degree of healthy behavior. I pray that the bond of “family” stays with our children and grand children long after my time is over!

I must admit, I find being together as a family “interesting”, and am grateful that we get together semi-frequently to celebrate landmarks. I love my family unit, and appreciate the uniqueness of each of them. I remain very sensitive to behaviors of my offspring that are in my mind very detrimental, but try to handle them in a far healthier way. Perfection still escapes me!

Listening to my clients is a great reminder to me that family issues have a huge impact on each and every one of us, particularly in our early years.

I’ve often heard it suggested that parenting classes should be mandatory for everyone before starting a family. What do you think?

As I start a new week, I find the dynamics caused by a “family” day foremost on my mind. I will continue on my journey of the recovery of a healthier life, and hope I can be a positive power of example to those I love the most, and pray a cycle gets broken!

If any of my family reads this, know how much you’re loved!

Patience. What Is It?

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
--Lida Clarkson

We all want life to unfold according to our plan. After all, we are certain we know what's best for us. But hindsight quickly reminds us that few, if any, of us had included recovery in a Twelve Step program as part of our life's plan. Yet here we are, and we are now more content than we've ever been in our lives. How did this happen?

We have come to accept that God has worked in our lives in spite of ourselves. We have been protected and guided all along the way, even though on occasion we stubbornly attempted to force open doors that were not beneficial to our growth. Fortunately our Higher Power never gave up on us. We will fulfill our purpose with all the help we need when the time is right.

Remembering that opportunities come to us when their time is right allows us to wait and trust.

My patience will pay off today. I can be certain that what comes to me today is on time.

What great words, but will I ever learn?

I am constantly reminded that patience is a virtue, on the golf course, in relationships and in life. When I practice it, things go so much better, but it is a learned skill, not something that comes naturally to me.

Funny, there are many things I have tried to be patient over, and not force doors open. Some things pay off, others get frustrating. I wonder at times if patience can’t be used as a cover for procrastination; but then I must remember there is a god’s will that is different than mine at times!

Hard to believe that!

Life is not unfolding as I had planned it, but it is unfolding. I never would have guessed as much challenge would have come along in recovery, but then, I know I’m only given what I can handle, and have handled the crap to date without going back to mood altering substance and the problems that came with that behavior.

I will wait with patience for the sweet fruit and keep my journey going as I understand it is meant to. I am will remain grateful for the blessings received. When there is adversity going on, it is easy to forget the many great things I do enjoy in life.

I’ll keep trying to stay out of my own way!! I hope to become ready.