keitbraycoach  

Why??-Do they.

Another great question that came from a friend. If we replace the word alcohol with any of a hundred words, the question and response are every bit as relevant.

Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can't he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?

Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.

© 2001, AAWS, Inc., Alcoholics Anonymous, page 22

So have you pondered this question in your own life?

For me, the solution came in working the steps and making new footprints in life. It was suggested that I work them as I become ready, that I be guided through them by someone who had walked before me, and that I worked them in order. The results I’ve experienced and witnessed tell me the advice was sound!

People, who are basically sane, and usually intelligent, revert into “other” people when active in their addiction.

We pondered the “whys” at a great meeting last week and thoughts like “too smart” and “not at Bottom” came forward. As stated above, the riddle has no answer.

Why doesn’t matter, accepting what is and doing something positive about it does! There is hope for all who really want it! We welcome your questions.

Denial is not a river in Egypt!!

ARE YOU READY FOR CHANGE? It’s Coming.

“The reality is that changes are coming . . .They must come. You must share in bringing them.
--John Hersey

Change. It's scary. It's hard. It's needed. Sometimes it feels good; other times it feels bad. But one thing is for sure: it keeps on happening.

Just when our life seems settled, it changes. We can't stop life. We can't stay this age forever. The world changes. Life moves on. There are always new things to do and learn.

Change means we're always beginners in some ways. We need to ask for wisdom and courage. We get it by listening, by praying, by meditating. When we ask, our Higher Power will teach us to be part of good changes.”

Hard to add much to the truths as quoted. In the spirit of life, I must suggest that you can prepare and be ready for change with mentoring/coaching that is in keeping with the philosophies above.

There is life after addiction in abundance. There is life after inner pain. It requires change. Are you ready??

And on the same day, but on topic:

ll miracles keep offering new opportunities just when I need change and growth. New friends have shown me hidden truths in those sayings that I once found so shallow. The lessons of tolerance and acceptance have taught me to look beyond exterior appearances to find the help and wisdom so often lurking beneath the surface. All my sobriety and growth, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, are dependent upon my willingness to listen, understand, and change.

© 2001, AAWS, Inc., Alcoholics Anonymous, page 542

Little Dark Clouds

Some days I feel like a cartoon character and not my beloved Popeye.

I am the person you see in the cartoons with the little black cloud over my head every where I go. I’m thankful that I don’t get this way often, and know it will pass, but the feeling is here, right now. I think some call it depression, I call it a funk!!

I have been on a journey to an improved life for a long time! I coach people on balance and goal setting, and work with many in addiction recovery. Yet I was there, in a funk, black cloud and all.

It’s now gone.

Why??

Simple stuff that I should remember, yet frequently don’t, and then pay the price.

Yes, there is a bit of real stress in my life at the current time. A couple of things have happened involving family and friends that have rattled me, and in one particular instance left me with a financial mess I truly didn’t think could happen.

Reason for concern, not a funk!

I took a time out today. Had a great lunch and walked 5 miles in a green pasture with friends I enjoy. I took the time to appreciate the beauty I was surrounded by and got some meditation time in.

And guess what?

The funk has lifted and the sun is shining inside again!

Even having kicked around for a long time doesn’t exempt me from minor depression! I’ve had great teachers, but some times I forget what they have ingrained in me about mental hygiene and life balance. It is easy to just forget what keeps me sane; I get caught up in life as do most people, and forget to do what needs to be done.

So there we go, I feel like Popeye again. I’ve got a client to coach this evening, and I’m glad I’ll be 100% there for her!!

For what I have been taught, and the higher power that guides me, I am truly grateful.

As Popeye said, “I am what I am”.

Self-Reflection

-we all need it

So far, it’s been a really interesting day. Things are now quiet, and I am reflecting on a few things that have happened lately.

In response to one of my journals, I got some very constructive feed back on content and approach, and some constructive feedback on my web site which I can incorporate to make it more helpful, and to hopefully increase the amount of work I am doing.

This morning, I had the opportunity to work with two very different contacts.

One is in Europe, is mature in life experiences, and is focused on recovering from a life where some of the same experiences I went through are common to both of us. So were the ways we dealt with inner pain. I have been on the journey of recovery much longer than her, but am thrilled and amazed to be a witness to her growth. We share a common language in more ways than one, a language of the heart, and it impacts our sessions in a very special way. She brightens my life!

I have also worked with a young man this morning that is in the early stages of building a career. He has so much going for him, and it is a thrill to see the good things that are within him come out. He is setting goals, adjusting as is practical and making steady progress and practicing some new behaviors that will lead him to career and life success. In a very different way, he helps keep me centered!

These things feel good; they are the purpose I feel is my life!

I realize that I can seem like I have my “poop” together, and can get what was lovingly referred to “preachy”. I am trying to learn how to change that, and make it easier for people to relate.

Each day when I journal, I try to come straight from the heart, and the primary thought is to get things that are inside of me outside! Fact is that the lousy days for a good piece of time have been few and far between. I have had a ton of help, and I try to acknowledge it regularly. I’m in the “helping” business because I believe in it personally. I love working with people as a “guide” on a life recovery journey because I love the journey.

It blows me away that statistically, about 10% of the population are affected by addictions, and at least as many are affected adversely by self-esteem issues. Hard to have a good life on the outside when you’re a mess on the inside! I learned this the hard way! Yet with so many “struggling” out there, so few get help, get hope, or get serenity and do not realize abundance in their life. A real pity.

If I can help a few, it’s a win/win. My clients and those I do “service” work with on a daily basis give me at least equal to anything I can offer them, and they add to the richness of my life. I’m grateful. Life has its ups and downs. On the whole, at this moment in time, while not being what I want 100%, I’m in a pretty happy space and spiritually grounded! This, I believe, gives me something to offer to others.

Once again, I encourage comments and questions to anything I publish! There is a world of experience out there that I can learn from.

Upon reflection, I know my journey is uphill, but progress is slowly occurring!! Thank you, by reading this, for being part of the trip.

Seeing The Past

-flashback to my 20’s, it’s not me today

I went to a concert over the weekend to see Credence Clearwater Revival, or what’s left of the group. The music was great, it really was good old rock and roll, but the feelings were funny!

There was a lot of gray hair in the crowd, including my gray hair. When some of the great old chart toppers were played, there were a number of people up and trying to move like they did in the “70’s. Much of it was not a pretty sight.

I did not get a charge out of watching 60+ years’ olds on stage. They do not look particularly becoming with tattoos, but then that’s my taste. They could still play, and they could still sing, but it’s not how it was 40 years ago. Things change.

When CCR was the world’s best selling band, I was in a whole different lifestyle, and I certainly remembered that during the concert. As well, I felt grateful that the lifestyle, by choice and with help, not because of age, has changed.

In CCR days I was building a career, starting a family, and developing the exterior person who acted on the business stage.

I was active in addiction and lifestyle issues that I’m not proud of. I was living the life of a double agent, and I wasn’t James Bond! These thoughts came through my head during the concert, and watching the older folks trying to be young again gave me a feeling of gratitude.

Things have changed dramatically in my life, particularly in the self-esteem and spiritual areas. The past is just that, and I will not ever try to recapture it by going to “oldies” concerts. I love living in the day I have today, and with the elements and people that are part of my life today.

Over the weekend, I had a chance to talk with friends about the concert. I wonder if it is seeing myself getting older that is having an impact, even though I think I’m comfortable being 60. While there was an energy and a recuperative power in my 20’s, there are so many positives today, not because of age (despite it actually) but because of the journey of life recovery.

Friday night at the concert was a flash back to the past. I saw it, enjoyed the music and the company of who I was with, but realize, I can’t, and don’t want to, relive the past.

Contemporary concerts going forward, oldies in recorded form!

This thinking is likely not for every one, CCR concerts will still be packed, but it makes sense to me. I saw the past, and want to live in today!

Are You A Good Listener?

-it is a learned skill

I was a school day yesterday amongst other things. Thursday is a day I continue to take to focus on my own personal development.

Our lecture yesterday was on listening, a part of the core skills that are essential to coaching.

While going through the lecture, I was reminded, listening is an art, something learned through practice, and something I have a lot of room to improve. The focus has to be beyond what we’re listening to; it has to include what we’re listening for. Good listening is a gift.

I’ve been involved in mentoring and coaching for many years, and have always tried to be a good listener. I am aware that many times, while someone else was talking, I had a thought in my head that I was just waiting to get out, and I know now that that causes a defocus on listening to the other person.

In my chosen career, and in the service work I do, the better a listener I become, the better I am at doing my share, and my role should be “limited” in the talking I do.

During our lecture, listening was broken down into four levels-cosmetic, conversational, active and deep. These levels go from cosmetic (appear to listen, but somewhere else) to deep (more focused on you than me, hear who you are). Obviously in coaching and mentoring we want to be “deep” listeners. As stated, this is a learned skill, one am working on through exercises.

In reviewing my lecture notes, and reflecting upon them, there is a shocking truth that comes out.

One of the big things I felt in life, at least to well into my 40’s, was that frequently no one really listened to me. On the reverse, I could relate to cosmetic and conversational listening. I know I cared deeply enough to “actively” listen in some situations (but not when the situation was negatively directed at me) and had moments where I listened deeply, but far too few. Can others relate?

It sort of a sad statement that there are so many in this world who need to be heard on a far deeper level than occurs daily. How many of us walk around saying “doesn’t anyone ever listen, doesn’t anyone hear what I’m saying?’. As noted earlier, we all need someone who knows what to listen for, who listens beyond the surface.

Look around at the various occupations that have evolved where the principle role of the trained professional is to listen. Look into your own life and the lives of those you are close to. How many have a place where they are truly heard, yet it is essential that each of us be heard.

I think the topic of listening and active practice is something that should be taught in a formal sense at a fairly early stage in life. Listening, as I’ve learned over the years through people I’ve had as professionals and close associates in my life, is truly a gift. I’ve also learned that it is a gift that can be gained through being aware and practicing skill drills. I’m committed to life long improvement as a listener.

So some food for thought, upon reflection, are you a good listener? Who are the great listeners in your life?