keitbraycoach  

I HAVE A DREAM-DON’T YOU?

Thanks Martin Luther King for these words.

Amazing how life goes along and stuff happens in your life- some good and some not as hoped.

Most of us have a dream and/or expectations. To some, it is just that, a big dream never fulfilled. I was there for a good period of life. While much good did happen, the dream was not fulfilled.

Today, I am for the most part living the dream- not necessarily in a material way, but in a spiritual way that fills me with optimism, hope, peace and serenity- and has resulted in healthy self-esteem and self-love.

I love to work with others. It is what I see as my mission in life today. I do it in a somewhat unique way. I apply my professional training along with my experience to help others with a dream realise it. Notice I say help. I can help others articulate and define their dream, I can guide them to a place inside themselves where they can find answers, but I can’t do it for them.

The path I took, which DID involve much "outside" professional help, has allowed me to be in a place in my head where good things can happen- and I expect them to- but when they don’t, I keep moving forward.

To realize my dream, several things had to happen.

First I had to clarify what it was I was really looking for (Beatles-Money Can’t Buy You Love). Then, I needed to have a plan to achieve my dream, an achievable plan with measurements. Then, the real crunch, I had to commit to and TAKE ACTION. Nothing would happen without my action and my "team" pushed me to realization.

I’m working with someone I care about. He has spiralled to a dark place, and has a realistic dream, one that if achieved will give him a platform to move forward from in several key areas of his life. At this point he cannot act, fear of the unknown and negative attitudes block him from even simple action.

I know from my own experience, once he moves into action-even baby steps- with a listening ear and support and encouragement he will reach his dream.

I was 46 before I took the positive action I needed to take to realize my dream. Many do it younger or have had the right elements or "wiring" growing up to never feel unfulfilled. Many hit the crossroads even later in life.

Have you got a dream and are at a point that you want to realize? Are you feeling unfilled enough with low self-love and feeling restless, irritable and discontent? If you want to change it, take action. Help is available.

　

I just received a heads up from my friend Patrick at www.spititualriver.com about an article with this title. I read it, will post it in its entirety on my web site (www.hopeserenity.ca) and will paraphrase it here. Whoa to the few who say there he goes promoting, the site is there for those who have an interest in reading an interesting article that is too long to post here.

I keep hearing, and it is true, that the word free will snap people out of even a hypnotic state. Look at what we see on the internet and you’ll know what I’m saying!

Yet do we get things for free or is the word one that takes us captive?

I will state, I have honestly got one thing in my life for free. A power and new life given to me freely through a higher power some chose to call God. No strings attached free.

Many other things I got for free, I treated like they were worth what I paid for them. An oft time, what I have received for free has or is perceived to have little value; and I’m not unique.. I am truly grateful for the one gift I have been given for free, a relationship with a higher power that is always there for me IF I listen!

To me, life is not about price, it’s about value. I am prepared to pay a fair price for things that are of value to me. For my "free" fellowship I paid a horrific price, but I have certainly received great value. I paid for an education, but it has great value! Things are not about price, they are about results. If I pay, I want a payback!

When I pay for something, I usually give it focus. I want my money’s worth out of it, and in most cases do what I have to do to get value and the desired results. I have found a way to get the money I have needed to pay for expertise when I’ve needed it. Funny, I’ve invested in me to get results and have done so without regret. I remember how I could find money to support destructive behaviour. I feel good to be able to invest in constructive remedies!

Pay is not just money. It may well be things like time, effort and action. Most fail when they do not invest time effort and action to get the results they truly want!

The closing line of the article says it all. "If you value other things, honour them and commit the necessary focus, time and money investment-you value yourself."

Take a look at the complete article. It offers a perspective!

And Who Heals Me?

Over a year ago, I went on a journey to look at some real fuzzy philosophical questions. "Who Am I?"was dealt with years ago, but "What Is My Purpose?" remained vague.

I went on a real journey to discover what it is about past employment that I loved and was good at, and what did I really want to do with the balance of my working life.

I am not cut out for a "job" job, and love helping others and seeing growth, one person at a time.

I found out from examination and from others that I had been coaching and mentoring for years, had helped many, and have passion for those affected by addiction and those with a desire to transform their life. It’s something I do as a natural part of who I am.

I have no desire to be a therapist, but found I loved coaching. From my sports background, I could relate exactly to the difference a great coach makes to individual goal setting and achievement. The same techniques used by athletic coaches’ work with every facet of life. We all have strengths that can be better used. It is my passion to bring these strengths out in others.

I have gone forth, taken education, read and studied, done a lot of "free" coaching, and have been blessed with a practice that is starting to get traction. I might even break even one day. Further, I have stayed very active in helping others who are struggling with addiction and will go to group sessions. It is important to maintain a "service" component in my life. I am a well qualified coach today.

My coaching clients are people who want to deal very privately with issues and have the means and willingness to pay for a coach. My primary job is to listen and ask questions and give feedback! In many cases, people pay more attention and take more responsibility when they "hire" an expert. Go figure! They are willing to be held accountable for what they undertake. I listen to them intently, and am trained to ask great questions.

Lately I have been dealing with my own "life" issues, and with all that I know and all that I have done, I am constantly reminded about how human I am.

In working with a client this morning on motivational challenges he faces, and listening intently, it struck me how similar some of the challenges he is facing to those I currently face! I actually heard myself.

In working with another client this afternoon, I am reminded that living a great and abundant balanced life is work in progress, and that I will never realize perfection. I am also reminded that the issues I faced three weeks or a month ago are gone; replaced by the issues of today.

I do feels the ups and downs of life, and I think because of the work I do and the person that I am, I have very high expectations for me!

I have a more complete toolkit to deal with issues than most of the people I work with. I have had several coaches in my life, have continuous conversations with coaches and other professionals, and can be pretty open and honest about my feelings. I have tools, but at times can be guilty of not using them properly and getting down!

When I’m like this, who heals me?

I have a great relationship with the higher power that has always dwelt within me and is a part of all that is in the universe. I am on a journey of spiritual (not religious) growth, and have to remember to stop and seek help and guidance on a regular basis. I have been given tools, and through conscious contact and some wonderful people I talk with, I can recognize what is going on with me, and realize that as bad as things seem (and this is relative to my expectations), I can deal with the cards I have been dealt.

But the real answer to my own question; it is you that heals me, people outside of myself, and sometimes totally anonymous.

On a daily basis I get feedback, and love it. People generally are caring and try to be positive.

In living my life purpose, there are challenges. As most who have tried know, building a business, even if you’re passionate about it, is not easy. The collective "you" are the source of inspiration, and I certainly get a piece of "the message" from many.

I have been blessed by people who do give feedback, and by many who refer others to me. I am in the gratitude mode constantly for this. I openly ask for your help to allow me to do more of what I do well.

Thanks for healing me, and thanks for the trust you place in me.

Now, who heals you? Do you allow healing to happen?

January Reflections –life recovery, addiction help

I sit here on a beautiful January day. Out my office window I see nothing but blue sky and a white ground cover of snow. When I take the time to reflect on what my eyes see, I feel at peace.

It has been an interesting start to a new year, one that I’m really optimistic about!

I’ve taken on a new volunteer challenge with a community organization I’m a member of. I bring to it a lot of experience and a track record of being part of major accomplishments in the same sector. The first couple of meetings have been great. I think I contribute to the overall well being, and in return, get some personal satisfaction.

From a work stand point, I am not as busy as I need (mentally) to be. I’ve been very lucky to meet through on line contacts three people who are struggling, want a better life, appear to be ready to do what it takes and appear to be honest. None of them are on top of their game financially and I have chosen to coach them for nothing; the value is truly on what I get back from seeing others slowly find themselves!

I have continued to blog on my web site and other sites. Through input and help from others, my own site is attracting some members who share, and I value this. My “free stuff” is being downloaded, and that is great. From some of the sites I blog on, particularly sites that focus on recovery, I am reminded that we are all different and not perfect and particularly a few of those who have been around for a while like to see themselves as the conscience of the world and protector of all. It has to be nice to know exactly what values are expected from others and pass judgment. From them, I learn.

Next week I hit another turn over of the odometer of life. I will surpass the amount of years my late father lived. I am relieved and glad that I had the courage to make the lifestyle changes that were in part responsible for me losing a great man from my life.

It’s been a month during which I feel gratitude deeply for what the co-creative process of life recovery has given me, not only addiction help, but the ability to live an abundant and reasonably balanced life. A couple of the people closest to me have gone through employment trauma, and I’ve been able to listen, question, and just be a good supportive father. I’ve really enjoyed my grand kids and look forward to my weekly “play dates” with my three year old- it really isn’t babysitting. It’s wonderful for a few moments to see the world through the eyes of a child. Upon reflection, I am truly blessed.

My wife, who I certainly put through hell pre-recovery, continues to be my best friend and confidant. I can say today that we share “real intimacy” in our relationship; something far more than just physical.

I have a few true friends, and over the last month have reconnected with my closest boyhood/teen friend. The reconnect was one of those positive coincidences, and I have enjoyed the catching up and renewed contact. Having a few friends, reconnecting with an old friend and developing friends in our new community has been a blessing!

In reflection, I also have to remember my Life Rule #1. Life is hard. The past month has certainly come with its challenges and disappointments, its worries and fears. Life is not perfect, but I have living tools today that let me stay in the moment, ask for help, listen to that small quiet voice that is within and cherish the hope and serenity that make up a large part of my life today.

To those who have shared honestly with me both positives and constructive criticism, a simple thanks. Thanks to my personal support team including that small quiet voice of sanity. Thanks to those I worked with today. From that experience, I have been able to reflect and feel gratitude!

As my friend Dennis says”’nuff said.” I’ll let my eyes soak up the beauty outside my window for a few moments, and get back to it. Thanks for reading and more living to experience today!!

 

 

SIMPLE LOGIC (The God Thing)

You must wait and listen for the sound of the genuine that is within you. When you hear it, that will be your voice and the Voice of God.

- Howard Thurman, American author, civil rights leader, and theologian (1899-1981)

One of the great things with what I spend a lot of time at is that I hear a lot from others. Whether it is in response to blogs like this, comments through my web site or in the several conversations that are a part of my day, different thoughts or approaches to tough issues come up.
A recovery site I love, for those facing addictions, is "In The Rooms". It is not for the faint of heart or the wavering, some real opinionated people on there. I have a post on there entitled "Struggling With God" that has been well read and commented on. Funny how quickly a topic like God automatically gets into religion and differences and the spiritual part moves to the background. No wonder so many struggle!
Many who I have contact with, and are working through a process to recover a life they want, are spiritually bankrupt. This condition is common with the addicted and those who have dug themselves into other "black holes". To me, getting a spiritual concept that is real to an individual is a big part of recovery. The Thurman quote above came at about the same time a "friend" and I were talking about spirituality and finding a higher power that HE was comfortable with. For many, finding something that you can believe in and hang on to is a life changer. Spirituality and religion is NOT the same thing, although for some they go hand in hand and it works for them.
In conversation today we talked about the 2 entities that are us. Jekyll and Hyde, good and evil, devil and angel- how ever you visualise it. After all, when you say "I'm mad at myself" who is "I" and who is “myself"?
So today's journey took "friend" (some people react to the word client) and I down the duality path. He has done a fair bit "right" lately in his life, and although still feeling empty/flat, he has stayed away from some nasty behaviour. When he partakes in this destructive behaviour, he knows the consequences but "something" overrides sane thinking. I asked him what he thought it was and I loved his response- "SIMPLE LOGIC"! What a great concept, and isn't that exactly what Thurman referred to as "the genuine that is within you"?
I certainly believe that it is in all of us- finding, listening and acting on "it" can be tough. It is however, simple logic; like a child not putting there hand on a hot stove intentionally more than once.
So the trick may just be learning to listen to the simple logic, that sound of genuine, that is within. Could this be the voice that we "label" God?
Many I run across are complicated people living complicated lives. Why in certain areas of life is it hard for them to listen to the "Simple Logic" that is within?
Tired of the numbness spiritual bankruptcy causes, and worn out trying to understand the God thing? Know there is more and just can't find it? Maybe my friends’ concept of simple logic (heavy on the simple) may help you. Wait and listen for the genuine that is within you!
I'm looking forward to reading your comments about these thoughts! (www.hopeserenity.ca)

 

HOW LOW DO YOU GO?
Back in high school a dance called the "Limbo" became a fade, and I believe the theme song was called "THE LIMBO ROCK". If memory serves me right, one of the questions asked was how low can you go.
There are many "historians" around that can give very detailes info about the start of what we now know as the "12 Step" movement. The original was AA, and the principles of AA have been carried through to dozens of other self-help groups and to be honest, the take on the principles have made millions for many writers and speakers through things like "The & Steps To" or the "7 Habits of". You got the picture.
Know and understand the 12 steps and you will have grasped the basic principles needed to live a life with good mental hygiene, a life that with work, will allow you to accomplish just about anything.
I am quoting today the first of the 12 steps, and a quote from the 12/12. Don't be alarmed if your not an alcoholic or addict, there is a message contained for all!
When AA was founded, the first people who were attracted were people who had lost nearly everything and many were seen as "incurable", they had tried nearly everything available to them and many had been "institutionalised" multiple times. Theit lives were at rock bottom and they felt hopeless. AA and its steps worked for a very large percentage of these people who were the early founders.
In reading the quote below, replace the references to alcohol with anything you like that is holding you back from the life you want.
As you will see in the quote, as AA grew and flourished, there was a quantum change in attitude. People were attracted that had not lost everything.....yet and as the quote staes, were spared a ton of grief.
There will be many that read this that just cannot relate. You that have a good inkling of what this is about, and feel a little twinge, may want to get in touch (khbray@hopeserenity.ca).
In living your life, "How Low Do You Go?" before you admit that you have living issues you  are powerles over, and that life inside of you is unmanageable (maybe even outside of you)?
You do not have to continue to live in your own dark hole, and you do not have to sink any lower than your current state of mind and personal well being. There is help available for those tht have the courage to ask and act.
Once again, read this quote, and if alcohol is not applicable, see if you have a word that for you is. It maybe a word as simple as people, places or things.


"Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol , that our lives had become unmanageable."

"Alcoholics who still had their health, their families, their jobs , AA began to recognize their alcoholism.  They were spared that last ten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gone through. Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could people such as these take this Step?
"It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the rest of us had hit to the point where it would hit them. By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression."
1952, AAWS, Inc.; Printed 2005; Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, pg. 23 *~

As I sit here on a beautiful cold and sunny morning looking over a white field, the music from the Limbo Rock plays in my head. Keith took a long time to become nimble and quick as it relate to living (don't know how Jack of candlestick fame in the song made out),had to knock down the pole when it was not real low, and say this is as low as I go; I surrender, I accept I'm beat, and will get the help I need to climb back up! Let's do the Limbo Rock!