Katy Manna  

“Like attracts like.” Did we really want to hear that in terms of this kind of relationship?! Well, it is true on all levels. We are not able to pull anything into our life that is not a match for where we are. It is a very basic law of physics that cannot be ignored. Because of this very law, relationships are a tool bag for self growth! What does this really mean? Romantic relationships allow us to gather more information about ourselves than any other kind of relationship.

We become close to the person with whom we are falling deeply in love. Initially, we fall in love with what seem to be their best qualities. Our brain chemicals are soaring, we almost feel like we could fly. We have found the best person in the whole wide world and how the heck someone else ever let them go, we surely will never understand.

And then, a few months down the road, usually between 3-6 months, things start to shift a little. We are more comfortable and have fallen into a more relaxed groove. This is when things get tricky!

We begin to notice that they are not doing all the things they used to do. But we say, “Oh, that’s okay. They had a busy work week and they must be a little stressed out.” There is an aspect of this that is true. As we relax into a relationship, we become less crazed about keeping the other person continually happy. This is a crucial step in a relationship. We all need to cultivate relationships based on our ability to make ourselves happy so that the other person is the icing on our cake and NOT THE CAKE! No one is here to make us happy and it is unfair and unhealthy to ask that of another person. The expectation that the other person will make us happy comes from the place in us where our unidentified beliefs, stories and feelings reside.

This is also a time when our old stories and covered up beliefs typically enter in another way. Sometimes we even begin to excuse away more than we should. We start to put our own feelings and needs on the back burner in order to feel supportive, or we try not to be a complainer, or we try not to seem too needy. Whatever our reasons, when we believe that our core needs are not important enough to speak up about, we have fallen into the trap of unconsciousness. We are now living from our past and that is a destructive place.

The results of living this way are all too familiar.

Relationships have the potential to provide us with huge growth opportunities.  These opportunities oftentimes require a whole lot of work. We have all  heard the saying “relationships take work.” But really, it’s not the relationship that takes work: WE take work. When we are doing our own work continuously, relationships are far less work. Yes, they will always bring up those things in us that we might prefer to forget.  That’s when our relationship or our partner becomes an easy target for old anger, resentment and frustration. Here again, it takes us back to our own work. When we have healthy levels of self-esteem and regularly do our own internal laundry, everything else falls gracefully into place.

It’s also important to remember that not all relationships are meant to be forever; therefore their demise is not a failure at all. There are many times that relationships meet the level of our needs when we get into those relationships. We learn what we need to learn and then it is time to move on. The end of a relationship is far less personal than we usually feel or think it is. Sometimes we just aren’t each other’s cup of tea, which doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with either person.  It is a spiritual TRUTH, though, that sometimes the lessons have simply been learned and there is no longer a need for the relationship. This is easier to digest from a logical place than from an emotional place.  

Relationships really are a good tool we use to learn more about ourselves. Relationship is an easy and hopefully safe place to do the work we are here to do on ourselves. Allow what needs to emerge to come up and out and then let it go.

A PARAGRAPH FROM THE LIVE WITH THE LIGHTS ON ACTION GUIDE. A giude to deep belief work, and setting ourselves free from our self inposed prisons. Let's all live joyfully together!
Katy Manna   www.LiveWithTheLightsOn.com