Katy Manna  

I'm sitting her enjoying the beautiful weather and having my little one at home.  We went to her theater class today, and she hates it.  She has not liked it for a while but I thought the responsible thing to do would be to keep her in it and follow through with her commitment.  Well, maybe not!  I had pulled her out of one class before, a dance class in which she thought that moving side to side made her dizzy!  I thought that creating a pattern of pulling her out was not a good idea.  I guess she had other plans and I don't know how she does that! 
This class started only two months ago.  It's for children ages 5-13.  The was bored out of her  mind.  A lot of sitting and attention going to the older kids.  Today she REALLY didn't want to be there.  She decided that she would just stand on stage while the others were singing and dancing.  She was causing a bit of a rift in the blocking.  I'm not sure if she thinks "blocking" means that she ought to "block" but she must have made that connection somehow! 
She came up to me in the audience and said she felt sick and wanted to go.  I knew she was trying to get out of it and told her she needed to get back on stage. After a couple of minutes of this I told her that if she didn't get on stage that I would leave the room until class was over.  She decided that she wanted me there more than she wanted to try to leave and went back to the stage, but not with out the drama the stage is so used for! 
She began to cry.  These two other kind kids went to her and rubber her on the shoulder.  I could sense (being an intuitive has its benefits when dealing with a 5 year old!) she was telling them how horrible she felt and that I was keeping her there.  Then, sure enough!  These two kind kids looked up at me with a look of, "how could you, you cruel mother!?".  Interesting I thought...wonder if she realizes the show she is putting on right there on stage? 
She continued to stand right there, dead weight while the other kids were doing there best to dance around her. 
I was thinking, "okay, how to deal with this..."  I want to instill lessons in her; such as, when we make a commitment we keep it.  She has lines in this play.  However, at this point the teacher would likely not allow her in the play because it seems this is not the first time she has done this (her father told me  when he took her this had happened).  I didn't want her to spoil the other kids hard work by not saying her lines loud, not caring about her lines and standing there like a prop!  I motioned for her to come to me and we just walked out.
I told her that there was no need for her to be dishonest about feeling sick.  That being dishonest was not good for her.  I wanted her to understand about keeping her word to the group.  I also told her that I was not disappointed in her.  Maybe I could not have said anything more important.  I explained that it happens to everyone.  We think we might like something, we try and we it isn't what we thought it would be and that was okay. We talked and all was well. 
What is so curious to me is where the fine lines are as parents.  How do we live with the lights on as parents?  How do we teach our children these things in situations where the lines seem fuzzy?  I want to teach her to keep her word, but at what price.  We are already looking at The Waldorf School for next year because the public school system is not for us!  She is spending 5 days out of the week already in a place that does not feel good to her.  Was her keeping word so important that she would add a day to that equation?  Who knows!  That is the other thing about parenting and about life.  We learn as wel go.  We do the best we can.  My goal is to do is as conscious as  I can and to have my daughter see the world and herself through that same filter.  A place where she can trust her own intuition, be who she is and know that she is loved, where her likes an dislikes are supported and also the needs of others are considered.  I know they will find a happy child who will be thrilled to have more lines.  She is really not letting anyone down, it's the principle of it.   
Life continues to amaze me!  All the nuances and lessons.  There really never is a dull moment!