Katy Manna  

Here I am.  It's been a couple of weeks and there was some back and forth between me and the ex.  Nothing nasty or bad, but still painful.  It is really hard to feel as though I am in different worlds with someone that I so wish could "get me".  He really wanted to understand, I really wanted to help him understand and no matter what I would say would create more questions or further the confusion.  I had to say that he will not likely get his resolve through talking with me.  That if I could help him understand I would, but that seems like an impossibility at the moment.  I will say above it all, I am so at peace with this decision.  I feel like I can breathe again.  Things were rough for a while and I was feeling more and more like the air was being sucked out of me.  Life here at my house was not a soft place to fall, it was a place where I felt I was walking on egg shells.  After six months of that I was exhausted.  I am so grateful that it was for six months.  I could see that it was not going to get any better and I had to call it quits.  Everything is SO peaceful here.  I have starting putting the house back together and starting something fresh.  The cycles of life amaze me.  The Birth, manifestations and destruction.  They all have their place and I bless it all.  The past year of my life has felt like a storm coming through and not in a bad way.  It felt like a strong storm that was getting rid of the deadwood off the trees to allow the healthy branches to remain and flourish and for the deadwood to move on.  I am excited now about what my life will look like, what is already strating to take shape.  I keep getting this image of myself of a jet ski holding on, going up and down, at times catching air and feeling like, "Oh crap, will the water catch me!?" And boom!  There it is, and with much laughter I remember that I am always caught, sometimes the ride just get's bumpy.  But it's all enjoyable when I stay in my "observer" mode.  That is what has kept me together I think.  Not just the prayer, meditation, Yoga, writing, talking.  All those things are essential.  But what they do is remind me to observe my own life as if I was watching a spectator sport.  The watch, observe and take it in without taking it all personally.  That is where the lessons lie.  That is where I take note of what is working and what is not.  It's too tricky to be in the game fully and to make sense of it.  Pulling myself out and really seeing all angels reminds me that I am playing with this illusion everyday.  There isn't much to take so seriously.  Amazing.  I'm here to enjoy, love, learn, prosper and be of service.  I can do that! It's what I thrive off of.  I am looking forward to learning more and serving more.  This is all very exciting, a whole new world opening up.  Well, the whole world has been here wide open, it's me that is catching up with it a little.  
Katy Manna www.LiveWithTheLightsOn.com Now offering memberships!

Here I am again.  How amazing.  I am really learning so much about myself right now and that's why it's all about, right?  There are moments in my life that I feel like I have it all together.  And then these other moments that I feel clueless.  I think that is a good thing though.  If I didn't feel that way right now then I would have nothing to question or re evaluate. 
I know re evaluating right now is vital .  My marriage ended last week.  We had been living apart for two months and working on things.  If you would have told me even six months ago that this is where I would be I never would have believed you. 
In truth, I do know that all things happen for a reason and as long as we derive our lessons from life then our work is done.  It is still very sad though.  I have a lot of feelings that I am experiencing, some new and some old.  I know in my heart this is for the best.  Still, there is a redefining period.  I thought I had a better grasp on where my life was and where it was going.  The funny thing is, even though I have moments of fear about that, there is a bigger piece of me that knows the world is open to me at this point.  That comes from the knowing that this is the best for all involved.  There really are no limits. That is an amazing and awe inspiring feeling.  This weekend I am taking it easy.  Doing some cleaning, relaxing and doing self reflection.  A lot of bubble baths and journaling. 
I am sad, I am tired, I am processing, I am excited, I am alive and I am free.  I see how the birds from my last blog were more of a metaphor than I had thought at the time.
It's time for me to trust my intuition when it comes to my own life on a whole new level. I know that this is a big part of my learning here too.  My intuition, no ones intuition shuts down.  It's a matter of if we are paying close attention or not.  Intuition usually speaks to us in subtle voices, feeling or thoughts at first and then it all just gets louder and louder.  I look forward to listening to my intuition more in my own life before the volume gets too high and the pitch is more uncomfortable.  What a life :)  Never a dull moment and many things to learn.  How exciting!
www.LiveWithTheLightsOn.com  Don't live in the dark!

Here I am again.  How amazing.  I am really learning so much about myself right now and that's why it's all about, right?  There are moments in my life that I feel like I have it all together.  And then these other moments that I feel clueless.  I think that is a good thing though.  If I didn't feel that way right now then I would have nothing to question or re evaluate. 
I know re evaluating right now is vital .  My marriage ended last week.  We had been living apart for two months and working on things.  If you would have told me even six months ago that this is where I would be I never would have believed you. 
In truth, I do know that all things happen for a reason and as long as we derive our lessons from life then our work is done.  It is still very sad though.  I have a lot of feelings that I am experiencing, some new and some old.  I know in my heart this is for the best.  Still, there is a redefining period.  I thought I had a better grasp on where my life was and where it was going.  The funny thing is, even though I have moments of fear about that, there is a bigger piece of me that knows the world is open to me at this point.  That comes from the knowing that this is the best for all involved.  There really are no limits. That is an amazing and awe inspiring feeling.  This weekend I am taking it easy.  Doing some cleaning, relaxing and doing self reflection.  A lot of bubble baths and journaling. 
I am sad, I am tired, I am processing, I am excited, I am alive and I am free.  I see how the birds from my last blog were more of a metaphor than I had thought at the time.
It's time for me to trust my intuition when it comes to my own life on a whole new level. I know that this is a big part of my learning here too.  My intuition, no ones intuition shuts down.  It's a matter of if we are paying close attention or not.  Intuition usually speaks to us in subtle voices, feeling or thoughts at first and then it all just gets louder and louder.  I look forward to listening to my intuition more in my own life before the volume gets too high and the pitch is more uncomfortable.  What a life :)  Never a dull moment and many things to learn.  How exciting!
Katy Manna www.LiveWithTheLightsOn.com