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When Molestation and Rape Leaves you Empty!

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Pastor Monie

Pastor Monie

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I know that child molestation, as well as incest, exists in many homes still today and that in the past it wasn't a topic discussed by the person or their family. Due to the shame, fear, anger and confusion it brings, you don't trust talking to anyone not even your parents, siblings, teachers, and sometimes friends. However, I did mention it to my mother and I felt that caused us to not have the best relationship over the years. We are good today. No thought back then of talking to any police or higher authorities. I think the unknown of what would happen is why I stayed silent for so many years after telling my mother. However over the years, I only spoke about the child molestation and five rapes to whomever God lead me to. But always in private setting. Starting publicly speaking out about 3 years ago, when Elder Monica Brown had me live on the phone on the radio. Since then I have said it in group sessions too. I feel freer everytime, but theirs always a call or , "It happened to me to How do you deal with it???" Child Molestation and Rape makes you feel like you are dirty. At times it made me feel like I was a WHORE, TRAMP or soon to be PROSTITUTE. I suffered years of insecurities, low self-esteem, disappointments, being a perfectionist, lots of negativity, anger, hate, crying my eyes out at night and sometimes all day, had nausea when I thought of the events, fear, felt like a failure, and more. Also, I felt I was so ugly and that people saw me as ugly too. But one day I heard GOD as I looked at myself in the mirror and He said, "When you look in the mirror you see me and when you look at others you see me still, he told me to LOVE MYSELF." This was so powerful to me and I love God, I love myself and I love His People even the more now. God has blessed me, my son, my family and in ministry and I will continue to live my life wholeheartily for God inspite of my shortcomings, I am working out my soul salvation daily.

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