Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Everywhere you look, you see and hear messages telling you to think about love. We are culturally and emotionally conditioned to search for love. But where? Many of us believe that love is something that we find in another person. But do we love ourselves, or are we berating and negating ourselves in various ways?

Do we proudly say that we are our own worst critics? Certainly to a degree, being able to learn from a realistic review of ourselves and our accomplishments can help us improve and grow. But to regard yourself as something that needs constant fixing, that you are inherently not enough? Bad idea. Do you allow yourself to celebrate and rejoice in who you are and what you do? Sure, we can oftentimes do better, but do we acknowledge ourselves for daring to try?

Truthfully, we can only find love when we love ourselves first. The love of my life likes to tell the story of how we met. Some years ago, he was hurting from the dissolution of his marriage. He was feeling miserable about himself and his life. He found his work and daily life blah and meaningless and himself as less than adequate. He judged himself as a bad person for failing in his primary relationship. Instead of learning and growing, he was reprimanding himself and dwelling in the "should haves." Only when he was out on the ocean kite boarding did he find any inner peace or joy. Being a reflective, he analyzed why that was so. The answer helped him shift his attitude and created the mindset that allowed for us to connect and develop the loving and nurturing relationship that we have now shared for years.