Hal Stevens  

As I have studied more about end of life issues I continue to look back at the experience of exactly what happened when I went to hurriedly plan her funeral. You see she had Alzheimers disease and was living in a nearby nursing home. It was difficult seeing her deteriorate mentally and physically and, like most families, I was ill equipped to take care of her at home. I felt guilty for awhile that I could not afford the extended hour home nursing care and that after a long day or work I could not emotionally deal with my sick mom, wife, kids and other pressures of life. So, it was more convenient to have her with professional care and supervision in a facility near my home. It took many personal visits and interviews to find the right place and frankly I was not even totally comfortable with the one I picked. But, due to time, money, and family and work pressures I made a decision that she was going to this nursing home.

While she was there I visited but not often enough. Ok, I admit it was difficult seeing my mom in this condition and outta sight outta mind. Until that day when I received a call that mom had passed away. Well now that the end had arrived I had to scramble to get all of the details taken care of. For example, she died in Oklahoma and her burial plot was next to my dad’s in New Jersey. Just how do you make arrangements to get a dead body from one state to another/ Do I buy the casket and have the funeral here and then ship her off to New Jersey? Once the body is in New Jersey how does it get from the airport to the cemetery and is there a funeral ceremony at the gravesite. How do I coordinate this and get airline tickets now to make sure I can get on a flight if I don’t know when the burial will take place? There’s so much to do, so little time to think about it. And the first thing I need to do is get the body out of the nursing home after all they have already called me 3 times asking me what the arrangements are and asking when will she be removed.

At that time I figured since I had no idea what I was doing I called the closest funeral home to her nursing home and pleaded for help. In retrospect my lack of planning knowing that this day would come eventually probably made me look desperate. The funeral home representative told me to come to their facility immediately so we could get all of the necessary details arranged since there was a necessity to get mom out of the nursing home quickly.

I immediately drove over to that funeral home to get this done. There was no comparison shopping, no time to decide whether I liked or trusted the funeral home, and a million questions going through my mind that might never be asked or answered. There was just a panicky feeling and a need to get this done.

While talking to the funeral home representative I must say his demeanor was good. He was a true pro at this stuff. I explained the situation and he was calming and helpful about getting my mom’s body out of the nursing home and saying he would take care of the other arrangements. I was still in shock and not thinking clearly from the pressure of it all. Soon it was time for me to go to the show room and choose a casket. Now, we’ve all date with obnoxious car salesmen but at least we have a clear head and can sense the sales pitch geared to leading us toward a high profit transaction. But, dealing with a funeral is a totally different mindset. When I entered the show room I saw the shinny caskets with visually appealing trim. The insides were incredibly made and they all looked like beautiful museum pieces. The bait was cast and I was about to be reeled in to a huge dollar transaction that I could not afford and did not really need or want.

Fortunately my highly honed cheapness, which has taken years of saying no to wife, kids and other less close individuals, had kicked into high gear. I politely told him no with each casket we passed. Now, being the real pro that he was he gave me all of the reasons why my mother deserved the best, even in death. He explained the finer points of the excellent construction of these caskets and how some were made to better protect my mom’s body for a longer time. I listened carefully and amazed at how these glorified boxes were so well planned in their construction. And, how well trained the funeral home representative was.  But, these prices were not gonna happen on my budget.

I tactfully told him “NO WAY”. Well, maybe it wasn’t so tactfully, but he obviously got the message and after his shocked look took me into another room. This room was really drab and didn’t have the high quality decorations and look and feel of the first show room. This was obviously the “let me show you the cheap stuff, you tightwad’ room. I walked over to several of the caskets and one by one asked the prices. Unshaken, he told me the prices and very succinctly told me why each one was inferior to even the cheapest one in the other room. Undaunted, I smelled savings vs. the ones in the other room and was determined to pick one that was at the lower cost end but not so bad looking that anyone at the funeral would say “what was he thinking picking that.” In reality, even the prices of casket in the “cheap room” were a lot more than I wanted to spend. But, with time being of the essence I had no choice and couldn’t show. So, I held my breath, and pointed and said “I’ll take that one.” The deal was done. The pressure was off.  I signed some additional paperwork and off I went.

Recently I was reading that the markup on caskets at a funeral home can be 300 percent (300%). That means that it can sell for three times what the funeral home pays the manufacturer for the casket. Hmmm. That’s a huge markup in my book. I don’t mind paying extra for quality or convenience but this seems a little excessive. But, I’m a businessman also and I don’t begrudge anyone the opportunity to make a nice profit. What I do have a problem with is when the playing field isn’t level and when the consumer is put at a competitive disadvantage. It irks me when, like a crooked casino, when the game is fixed so you can’t possibly win. And that’s the situation in Oklahoma where my mom died. You see, in Oklahoma (and three other states), by law you can only buy a casket from a licensed funeral director. They have a legal monopoly on the sale of a product. In three states they have the equivalent of a “casket cartel.” They can fix prices, informally, because by law they have to publish a price list. So all of the other funeral homes can see the list and keep their prices artificially high because they only have to compete with other protected funeral homes. And, what makes it even worse, there is a huge trend towards consolidation in the funeral home industry. So, if a major corporation has bought out many of the funeral homes in a particular area their only real competition is other funeral homes owned by the same corporation. With their corporate size they can by at discounts that are big enough so that independent funeral homes can’t compete based on total funeral service pricing yet they can dictate prices and keep them artificially high.  And since most local independent funeral homes try and keep a lower profile so as not to get into a losing price war with a corporate entity that is many times their size they can only lower prices so much.

This situation is compounded by the fact that I can find caskets selling on the internet for a substantial discount to what the local funeral home will charge me; and that is even taking shipping charges into consideration. But, with the legal “casket cartel” protection that they legally enjoy within certain states I can’t buy a casket from a more competitive source and ship it to my local funeral home to use.  What ever happened to free trade and fair play? What ever happened to consumer rights and consumer protection? Obviously in Oklahoma and the other two states the lobbyists have convinced the local politicians and judges that free trade for the good of the consumer isn’t important.

You see, these large funeral service related corporations are getting even larger and buying funeral homes and cemeteries in many states. If the consolidation trend continues the current laws may not matter even in those states which currently allow for competition. The control of both funeral homes and cemeteries in a particular community will eliminate any competition and cause a general increase in consumer prices. 

So, in response, consumers in all states need to join local funeral consumer alliances or societies to negotiate as groups. It would be like trying to get health insurance as an individual vs. as a group. The group can obviously get more advantageous prices for its members. Take an opportunity to find and support your local funeral consumer alliance or society. The cost to join is usually minimal and the benefits in help with information, education and possible financial savings are well worth it.