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How Distrust and Mistrust Stops Intimacy

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Getting It Right With Dr Boles

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Intimacy conjures ideas of a private cozy atmosphere and is defined as an affinity for; a rapport,affection and confidence in an interaction.  Empathy, understanding, and compassion are at the heart of intimacy. Researchers are beginning of understand the relationship of depression among people due to the absence of intimacy in their lives. The need to feel part of a bonded community is universal; a desire for “ being at home” emotionally. This is reflected in a common Southern congenial expression, “Make yourself at home”.

Current expectations in relationships are conditioned by previous experiences. Often we are expecting something in a relationship and not realizing this until  we are not getting it. Relationships can be sabotaged by hidden expectations and lingering disappointments. Emotional memory exists outside of time. We must be  aware of our own expectations (and how they are affected by our history) for there to be hope of developing intimate relationships Distrust is  a feeling that someone or something is not honest and cannot be trusted and is regarded with suspicion thereby eliminating confidence in the success of new circumstances.  

Mistrust is a general sense of unease toward someone or something not necessarily based on experience but on instinctive. Mistrust can evoke “Mind Reading”  which is often related to a past disappointing relationship experience. We tend to expect what we previously had the opportunity to learn; we make assumptions based on our history. Then an action in the present, that is similar to a previous experience, triggers an intense negative explosive emotional reaction.

It is imperative to learn how to change the hidden expectations that work to distort a relationship, because we transfer hidden expectations from our history to present day. 

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