Dr. Rhoberta Shaler  

Show Notes

• Archived Blog Post

  Date / Time: 10/8/2008 10:11 PM UTC

  Are You Running Away from Conflict?
  

  If you are like many, many people, conflict, or even the potential for confrontation, puts your stomach in knots and your legs heading for the door? It's common. Why? Because we never learned to handle these things well as we were growing up.
  
  That sounds so simplistic, but, it's true. Conflict management skills are learned. We tend to do what we've watched others do, or, what we've learned will help us survive. Some folks had families where yelling was simply a way to be heard and anger flared only to disappear completely in a few minutes. Others, had simmering families: those ones who put a smile on their faces while their insides rage...and, then, erupt! And, of course, everything in between.
  
  How do you handle conflict?
  
  Do you have the listening skills to really hear what someone is saying to you? Or, do you hear what you are most afraid of hearing and react to it? Most folks do the latter. They are not listening.
  
  Recently, a client called, in tears. She'd received an email from the love of her life saying that he could not keep his weekend commitment to her. It was a beautiful email. She read it to me. It was kind, considerate, thoughtful, and explanatory.
  
  She wasn't in tears because she would not see him on the weekend. She was in tears because, years before when they were in relationship, an email of this nature preceded a breakup. Now, she is reading into this beautiful email that the next step is failure of the relationship. She's already living the result she's expecting...and she's very upset.
  
  She was not listening. What she feared most was losing him and that was all she could "hear" in the email. She finally saw what she was doing, but it took hours. This is just a simple example for a personal life.
  
  Do you take the time to sit quietly with yourself and find out what you're thinking and feelings...and why? Most folks don't. They are in react mode, fearful, rejecting and certain they are being victimized. They need to grow up, take responsibility for themselves and learn to communicate effectively.
  
  These are the skills that can be systematically learned, so, that you never feel like a victim, a coward, a volcano, or, a mouse again.
  
  Tame Tense Times by Tuning Up Your Skills!
  
  It's easy! Visit http://www.workplacepeopleskills.com/ and get on the phone training in specific skills. Take advantage of it right away and stand strong.
  
  Visit http://www.tamingtensetimes.com/ for more tips, support and encouragement.
  • Tags:
  • conflict
  • fear
  • anxiety
  • unresolved problem
  • issues
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