"FIRM...but fair" with Jeffery A. Faulkerson  

By now, most of you have heard about Jon and Kate Gosselin’s separation. The Gosselins were supposedly the parenting superstars of The Learning Channel's (TLC's) Jon & Kate Plus Eight. I say parenting superstars because if you step into any Target, Walmart or Borders, you will come across magazines and books with them gracing the covers with their eight, young children.

I readily admit that I have yet to watch a complete episode of their hit reality show. And with them announcing their separation on the Monday, June 22nd episode, I never will. Their testimony—that of being the married parents to eight, young children—has lost its luster. The script has now been flipped, as worldwide audiences will now see Jon fade into obscurity while Kate’s star will continue to rise. I say this because now she will be viewed as a single parent raising eight, young children.

But why is the Gosselin’s marriage failing? It’s really quite obvious. They allowed a camera crew into their home. I can only imagine the number of hours they spent staring into cameras, telling worldwide audiences what it is like to have childrearing responsibilities for eight, young children. My wife and I have one child, a five-year-old son, and having a camera crew following our every move would probably be a death sentence for both our marital and parenting relationships. I say this because we would be forced to wear masks when the camera is on, being allowed to remove them only when it is off.

When the Gosselins removed their masks, they apparently didn’t like what they saw. Kate reportedly viewed Jon as passive when it came to the children, while Jon viewed her as aggressive. Since Kate was so aggressive in this area, Jon seemingly stopped growing in his role as HOH (Head of Household). In his mind, his role had everything to do with providing and protecting, nothing to do with nurturing. But if Jon were sitting in front of me during the writing of this essay, I would communicate the importance of fathers being intentionally aggressive when it comes to providing the kind of nurturance that protects children from themselves and others.

Fathers nurture their children in this way by modeling the same kind of love that Jesus Christ displayed in the presence of his friends and foes. Throughout the first four books of the New Testament, we find that Jesus harbored a deep and abiding love for God and humanity. It was this same love that gave him the motivation to provide us with instructions for living Godly lives. In short, Jesus Christ established a tone that resonates with us even today.

As the Head of Household, Jon Gosselin must be the person who sets the tone for his marriage and childrearing. He must once again be that beacon in the night that Kate looks to for masculine leadership. To be viewed in this light, he must be the one who tells the TLC crew (with Kate’s consent) to turn off their cameras and go home. Only then will Kate be able to see Jon as a benevolent (i.e., good) and strong man.

What do you think?

I look forward to reading your responses.

Jeffery A. Faulkerson, MSSW
www.jefferyafaulkerson.com