Fat Bastard  

 Chevron Corporation today announced their shocking discovery for the source of the declining ozone layer, debunking popular myth that manufacturers and automobiles have played a vital role in global warming.

“Fat Bastard’s ass was found to contain high levels of methane and sulphur gases,” said Chevron’s Chairman and CEO, David O’Reilly at a news conference, which was held in a secret location.

“Our team of research scientists was flying over Texas when their ‘Who’s Messin’with the Ozone Layer’ detection device went nuts,” explained Chevron spokesperson, L. Nicole Ross. Using a high-pencil-strength-steel gas pipeline,Chevron will downstream Fat Bastard’s gas, heating 15,000 homes across the UnitedStates. “Fat Bastard has saved Antarctica. Hell, this thing about Fat Bastard’s ass is hugeamongous,” said President Bush taking a quick break from eating birthday cake with Pope Benedict XVI.

Chevron has pledged two billion dollars to further develop a top-secret invention called the ‘Fat Bastard’s Anal High-Pressure High-Volume Linear Osmosis Conversion Valve.’ O’Reilly said Chevron is funding this as a humanitarian effort to save the planet. He has been assured that Rice University will use the funds to explore additional uses of flatulence. Rice University scientists are in discussions with Texas A&M to expand the use of this new scientific discovery for all other gaseous animals including bovines. L. Nicole Ross said Rice University will hold the patent on the anal valve.

Fat Bastard’s agent could not be reached for comment.

Chevron Corporation is one of the world’s leading integrated energy companies, with subsidiaries that conduct business across the globe and now in *Fat Bastard’s gas.

* not really

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