Eyes of Hope  

All the life is gone in me
I don't recall who I'm supposed to be...

I used to be kind?
     No, I'm not even nice.
I used to be warm?
     Now I'm cold as ice
Did I ever have friends?
    I don't have any now...
When did I start?
    Has my smoking gone down?
I used to smile?
    I just can't recall
Did someone care?
    i feel left by all
When was I happy?
     It's all so unclear
Am I far?
    Or am I near?
Did I even care?
      I don't have emotions
Perhaps it's a curse....
      Perhaps it was potions....

I can still remember being thin....
I can vaguely recall my old grin
This emotion is swallowing, consuming my soul
It's too much to bear, and I'm feeling so low
As soon as I smile, something goes wrong.
I guess this day is going to be long.

I sit here as an empty shell
I smile, so it isn't easy to tell.
I may tell you different, but I'm not feeling well
I feel like a salesman with nothing to sell

This feeling of alone consumes my mind
It unties every knot and releases all bind
I try to be nice, I try to be kind
But no one is leading, and I'm deaf and blind

My heart is aching, my emotions just melt
I'd never tell you it's something I've felt.
If I were another, I would've just dealt
But I'm so weak now, just skin off my pelt.

This sadness washes over days and days
And I try to make it seem I'm not phased
Once I was excited, but I'm no longer amazed
It's like earning a prize, without any praise

I'm sick of my body, I'm sick of my thoughts
I'm sick of being told what I aught to and naught.
I'm just a story,, with no end or plot
And I really just wish, I was something I'm not.

   As I walk through the dark cellar of killers,
I see their sins written in blood on the pillars
    Though it's damp and a terror, I tread on and on
But the voices keep screaming, even days long
   I meet a dark figure and take a deep breath
For in this cellar, it surely means death
   He grabs my small forearm and drags me around
I try not to amuse him by making any sound
   He ties me down tight and covers my eyes
He gets his sharp knife and cuts down my thighs
   Worse than death, is this torture, painful and void
Of any emotion, except his overjoy
   I scream, "Please just kill me" but he will not stop
I feel so weak, like I'm going to pop
    When he's done, he just leaves me to die
To suffer, to bleed, and mostly to cry
   While I accept my fate, and he's finally gone,
I sit there askng why. What have I done?
   To be tortured and treated less kind than a rat
Whom is chased, but at least killed by the cat.
   It must be my fault. I must be the culprit
To bring to life, this lethal dark pit
   How else could I be treated this way?
Now there will be no tomorrow.... I'm dead today.