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Profile

elaine williams

http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com


Country: United States

Language: English


Friends (33)

  • Ronald Layman
  • ApprenticeTeacher
  • Michael Gogger
  • Wings of Love Radio
  • 'The New You'
  • Levi Page Show
  • Inner Sight Radio
  • Conscious Choices
  • TheUnexplainedWorld
  • The Odd Mind
  • MBEATY
  • Lea Schizas
  • Dr. Deitra C. Payne
  • ChatroomChatter
  • Holistic LifeDesigns
  • Dr.Goodnight
  • Steve Maraboli
  • Robert Morgen
  • the D.A.R.K show
  • SupremeEntertainment

Comments

TheUnexplainedWorld

TheUnexplainedWorld

Thank you for making us a friend.. The Unexplained World.

Priestess Star

Priestess Star

Thank you for listening to my show. God Bless!

Holistic LifeDesigns

Holistic LifeDesigns

Hello, Elaine. I hope all is well with you. I appreciate your marking our show, Holistic Life Designs with Gina Alzate, a favorite. I hope to talk to you on the air and in the chat room soon. Perhaps you might want to tune in on the 2nd Tuesdays of the month at 6 pm Eastern and speak to our gifted Medium, Russell Forsyth. Blessings, Gina

Priestess Star

Priestess Star

Thanks so much for listening to the show today. God Bless!

Robert Morgen

Robert Morgen

Thanks for adding The Spiritual Entrepreneur Show as a favorite! :) R:) http://www.blogtalkradio.com/SpiritualEntrepreneur http://SpiritualEntrepreneur.biz

the D.A.R.K show

the D.A.R.K show

Thanks for Hanging out with US...Hope your week is Great...Much Love..

METAmigoTalk - Paolo

METAmigoTalk - Paolo

Hey buddy... I was wondering if you can help me out by rating the shows and leaving omments. Thanks. Love & Light Always, Paolo

METAmigoTalk - Paolo

METAmigoTalk - Paolo

Elaine, this is Paolo from METAmigoTalk. Thanks so much for your comments last night. I truly appreciated it. And thanks for listening to the show. Love & Light Always, Paolo :)

The poor chef

The poor chef

showing sum luv

Fake Buddy

Fake Buddy

Heya! ...Welcome to BTR!!!!....If ya get a sec, please check out......THE FAKE BUDDY SHOW!!!!.....We have way too much fun!......Thanks, Charlieeeee

elaine williams  

A widow's journey through loss, grief and renewal. A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss

  • Archived Blog Posts

    Date / Time:

    Comparing Death with Divorce?

    Can We Compare Death of a Spouse with Divorce?

    Elaine Williams ©2008

     

    I’ve been asked if the pain of divorce is comparable to the death of a spouse. Having experienced both scenarios, I can say yes and no.

     

    Is there a difference in the emotional quality of life or the emotional devastation that occurs? Both are equated with feelings of abandonment, pain and emptiness.

     

    Some widows and widowers will argue there is no comparison. Death is not a choice. It is life interrupted. Death leaves us with no options in the final round as compared to divorce. Divorce is a choice not to love the person you were married to – but in my opinion, “not always.” In divorce, there is one leaving and one left behind. Whether divorce or death, both situations involve distressing circumstances, equally divergent set of emotions, running on parallel lines, sometimes intermingling or converging. Neither situation is easy or quick.

     

    From my own experience with divorce, I married young, but after two years the relationship became suffocating. I sought counseling, but nothing seemed to lift me from my despair. I was torn by the traditional values that were ingrained in me; that marriage is a commitment and sacred trust. The union I’d entered so hopefully and willingly two years before was slowly killing me emotionally and mentally. It came down to survival. I chose to save myself, and after six months of painful indecision, I left.

     

    Even though I chose to leave, I suffered at hurting the person I had once loved, and no doubt I left devastation in my wake. It wasn’t until some 20 plus years later that I actually made contact with my ex-husband. I felt sympathy laced with sadness to learn he was dying. In our small town I had avoided him in the intervening years, and in the last months of his life, I acknowledged his presence, our past, by sending him a get well card that I truly meant. This minor contact let him know I forgave him for the past, and I forgave myself for closing all thoughts of him from my heart and mind. Did it change the decision I made to end our marriage years before, or open the way for any regrets? No.

     

    A few months before he died I dreamed of him. We were both in water, but he was drowning. I pulled him out, got help and resumed what I was doing. He came back a short time later and thanked me for helping him. When I awoke, I realized that all our relationships leave a residue in our lives, imprinting us with their memories. Whether we end a relationship or someone walks away from us, there is pain, a sense of loss, a questioning of ourselves. Could we have been better, smarter, more loving?

     

    We could avoid pain by not loving anyone, close down life and become angry and bitter. We might as well lock ourselves in a dark room and never emerge to experience life’s joy.

     

    Life is filled with incredible loss and devastation after the death of a spouse, but there is an equally big hole when a divorce takes place, on both sides, whether we consciously choose to acknowledge it or not.

     

    Is the pain of divorce and the loss of a spouse on equal footing? They each carry incredible pain and repercussions, abandonment issues that blast a hole in the heart. Why do we even need to compare? Both scenarios involve a death of someone we loved, a loss that is irrevocably seared on our hearts.

  • Date / Time:

    Living Life with Passion

    Life is certainly different after loss, and it's true we don't have a clue how it will turn out. I've changed in so many ways, grown stronger as new experiences have reshaped my life today. I try to remain open to living, and I am at a different place than I ever might have imagined. My life and interests have branched off on a totally different course than if my husband had lived. And at this time, 4 years later, I know life, despite everything, is good for me.

    It has become vitally important for me to do the things I enjoy, even start new interests that I've always wanted to try. I've reshaped my life socially, because relationship dynamics change when you're no longer part of a couple. But all in all, I have grown and become empowered through this process. And grief is an ongoing process. It's so important not to shut down or get stuck in anger or bitterness. We can't allow ourselves to spin in place very long and remain stuck looking back at what we had and what might have been. Life is for living and I intend to live my share and perhaps a bit more.

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