elaine williams  

For me one of the most beautiful gifts are my three boys, next, are my life experiences and where they've led me and will lead me in the future. Today is wonderful, with all its strife and joy, but all the tomorrows are a gift yet to be unwrapped........

A thought. Have you ever considered grief good in any way, shape or form? For three and a half years you’re locked in combat with yourself, and the world around you as it changes. In time all things adapt, and somehow we open our eyes and learn something different, that you are indeed changed by your grief experience and you are therefore, different; newer, stronger, wiser and hopefully more loving and compassionate. Should we thank grief for allowing us to experience all that is different in our world? Have we in the grief process evolved into who we were meant to be? We got a push or a shove on this journey…has it turned out in any way more than you could ever have envisioned for yourself?

In the end all that really matters is who has loved and therefore been loved in return. Truly, faithfully, without reservation.

I read a really informative posting on Carol D. O'Dell's wonderful blog, Mothering Mother and More, entitled "Is It Time to Call Hospice? Three Signs Caregivers Need to Know." It brought back memories of when my husband was ill with esophagus cancer and in tremendous pain. I didn't know which way to turn, and the narcotic pain medicine his two doctors prescribed didn't seem to help much.

My husband was in tremendous pain, 24/7 with esophagus cancer. Although he didn't say much, I know it was living hell for him with the pain. I was trying to manage it for him (heavy narcotic pain patches, high-end narcotic drugs, etc.), and I had never had any training and didn't know which way to turn. Neither doctor suggested hospice to us. Many times I would call the doctor's after-hour on call services, and receive nothing in return. Usually it was another doctor on call and he didn't want to be responsible for uping any medication. It was incredibly frustrating and ineffective to have to wait another 6 or 7 hours when someone you love is in debilitating pain.

I was under incredible stress because I was afraid of giving my husband too much medicine, and also trying to keep our three boys (11, 17, 18) on an even keel. When my husband was 3 months into his cancer diagnosis, my sister in law, who is a nurse and lives away, came to see us. She immediately told me I should contact hospice for pain control. She assured me it was their forte. I knew something had to be done. I had always associated hospice with end of life services, and didn't know they would help with the pain management end of things.

Once I contacted hospice they acted immediately. It was still a roller coaster with the pain, (many days of extreme ups and extreme downs) but there were also many days it was adequately managed and his pain seemed bearable. Hospice worked continually on his pain management, and my husband was on hospice 7 months before he passed away. They did everything possible to make this situation less stressful for not only my husband and myself, but my children also.

Here is a link to Carol's posting. http://caroldodell.wordpress.com/

First let me state I am a rank amateur on internet marketing. However, I am having a measure of success in this marketing venture to get information out about my soon to be released book, A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss.

I've been busy this week, literally glued to the computer (which this time of year, when it starts to get warm and beautiful out, drives me crazy) working on marketing, placing articles and getting my name and information out there.

Besides my several blogs, I have written 34 articles since January on grief, loss and renewal. This is interesting to me since after the loss of my husband, I could not write anything for almost three years. Now, I'm writing like crazy, in a good way, and loving it. (I've always been a writer and to not be able to write was very depressing, to say the least.) This was part of my grief process.

I've been placing the articles (approximately 650-1200 words each) on the better known free article sites. (I also blog every day). I have every one of these articles placed on the top 5 sites, and last night I worked about 5 hours placing articles on 80 other sites. You have to wonder, is it worth it? That answer, for me, is definitely. My articles have been picked up by everyone and anyone who is looking for info on grief, loss and bereavement. How do I know this? I have set up through my google alerts account, notice that come into my email inbox. My alerts are keywords related to what I write about. ie., grief, loss, widows, etc. I also have keywords set up in relation to my article titles. So, anytime an article is used and appears somewhere, I can find out exactly where it is. They have turned up in amazing places -- such as online radio pages, ezines, other article sites, blogs, webpages, online magazines, etc., etc. (People and places I don't even know post my articles) Bottom line -- they have to keep my contact info in place in the article, and it all links back to my website. Simple.

My book A Journey Well Taken: Life After Loss is coming out in June and I feel it's crucial to do what I can right now, before that event, to optimize my presence on the web. If anyone is interested in what I have done to get my information out there, I am also willing to pay it forward and share everything I'm doing. You can check out my blogs and websites to see what I'm playing around with. http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com, http://www.onwingspress.com, http://www.elainewilliams.org, http://www.ajourneywelltaken.blogspot.com. I also have blogs on wordpress, authorsden, technorati, multipy, 22x2com/blogs, isnare.com, qassia, selfgrowth.com. I started this entire process the end of December, beginning of January, and I've done it piece by piece since then, building upon my efforts. I created my own youtube video, my websites, articles and check out other people's grief, loss related blogs. Again, I find alot of these sources using google alerts. I also play around with google adwords to some degree. I also have a networking site on facebook and myspace.

I have 25 book testimonials from people in the grief and loss arena, not only widows and widowers, but grief, hospice counselors and life coaches. I contacted these people by searching for grief related websites.

If you google my name, Elaine Williams, a wealth of info comes up. Keep in mind this is only since January that my presence has been created. You can also find my other writing names linked to Elaine Williams, since I have published women's fiction in the past.

Is it time consuming? It can be. It depends how much you want to get accomplished in the time frame you set. When I began this, I had no idea where I was going with it all, but I feel I have come a long way since January, and still have a long way to go. There is so much out there and you can tap into whatever suits your interests. You're only held back by your own fears of the unknown. So jump in there, challenge yourself and move ahead.

Elaine Williams copyright 2008 Well, I confess right away I passed the stage where I could be called a girl about twenty five years ago. However, in the intervening time there was a lot of life and living that I’ve participated in and lived through. Many days held life’s usual ups and downs. However, when I became a widow at forty seven years of age, I thought I was pretty savvy about the world and the myriad people out there. I dealt with my grief on what felt like a long, protracted journey, a wending road through the unwieldy thickets of life and other times the ride was as smooth as new pavement. While journeying through the thickets, many days I didn’t know what was up or what was down and I got jabbed along the way.

Once I began dating again, after a long absence, I found out I knew little to nothing about this sector of society’s structure. At forty seven years of age it was no longer the same world, obviously, as when you’re in your twenties and starting out fresh. Many people by this age have become jaded, injured emotionally and mentally by life. Life as a whole is different. When they talk about mind games in the dating sense, that’s an entire genre all by itself. If you go into dating with an honest mindset, you think that’s what you will find in return. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case, so I learned to develop a certain type of radar to keep myself safe, not only physically but emotionally. I had to learn to grow a shell, of sorts, for my own protection. And yet at times, dating at close to fifty years of age was a liberating experience. My kids were older, I didn’t have to find babysitters if I wanted to go out. Financially, I could take care of myself, and emotionally, I had become a well adjusted citizen of the world, relatively secure in knowledge of how life worked.

My first inclination was to be trusting, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but I also learned not to be naïve. If your dating situation doesn’t make you feel comfortable, let it go. And yes, even though sometimes I knew a situation wasn’t serving what was best for me, it was still hard to let it go. It’s a case of craving what isn’t good for us. When I first entered dating it was like I had a sweet tooth that was out of control, I just wanted more and more. Basically, I wasn’t getting what I needed, what I deserved in the dating situations I involved myself with, so I was searching for that special something.

I’m not sure I even knew what that special something might be, but I continued my quest by trying online dating, dating services and attending sporting events. Eventually, I decided to pull back from casual dating world. It was taking too much energy and dashing hopes too quickly. I began to feel a bit burnt. It was all too “casual.” In reality, I wanted something long-term. So I pulled back from the online dating and really thought about what it was I wanted. I had been married twenty years and I knew what a relationship was about and how it worked. And yes, at times it was work. I would not settle for less than a relationship that enhanced my life and who I was today, as I expected to enhance someone else’s life. I know the right person will come along, and perhaps for now, even though it’s never been my strong suit, I just need to learn a little more about patience. In the meantime, my life is getting better every day