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Recovery Now! is weekly radio show for people struggling with addiction in themselves or their loved ones. It discusses the process of recovery including features on addiction causes, symptoms, stories, programs, spiritual support, and treatments.
Date / Time: 10/28/2009 2:20 PM UTC
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? You can debate the issue all you want, but when the end result is that you're either dinner or you're breakfast, what difference does it make? Now hold that thought. If your teenage child starts drinking alcohol, or starts smoking marijuana, does it really matter which they do first? When with either the end result may be addiction, to alcohol or pot or perhaps to some other, more powerful drug? The point is they are in jeopardy either way.
Parents worry about their teens using illegal drugs about teenage drug addiction, but alcohol is just as dangerous, and it is readily available, perfectly legal and socially acceptable. As children enter their teenage years they want to separate from their parents, and part of the teenage experience is to stretch out and experiment with substances. Even the most conscientious parents may not be able to protect their teens from the predatory lure of alcohol. It is readily available, maybe in your own home.
Borrowing a sports analogy, the best defense against teenage drinking is a good offense. Parents need to equip themselves with solid information about teen alcohol use, a realistic view of their child and access to professional help if there is any early warning signs of alcohol abuse.
Parents need to begin their offensive preparations long before the teenage years. See the problem of drinking before it comes into their home. Be proactive and establish their own game plan for educating their child on the topic, handling the problem if it arises and limiting the damage. Parents don't want to believe that "Little Johnny" or "Little Jane" is going to drink, or worse yet is having a problem with alcohol addiction. That's something that happens to somebody else. This is not true.
Alcohol is everywhere, so parents need to be savvy and look for the warning signs. Don't assume that the problem is going to pass you by because you're the "right kind of parents." Human nature hasn't changed over centuries and if parents are honest, they will recall their own view of the world when they were teens.
Warning Signs of Teen Alcohol Abuse/Addiction:
School: Is your child keeping up with his/her school work? Have they lost interest in going to school and look for excuses to stay home? Call the school and keep track of your child's attendance in class. I coach football and basketball for middle school and high school. I get attendance records and if a teen has missed class, they don't play in the games. But do you know your child skipped second period math class? Are there days when you think your child has gone to school, but the attendance records do not match up?
Children who are in trouble with alcohol or teenage drug addiction will often begin failing classes, not turning in homework assignments or in general just fall behind. "I can't believe Johnny is failing math, it was always his favorite subject." A new pattern has emerged and it isn't pretty. Schools have open campuses, allowing kids to come and go. They can easily slip into the community and get into trouble.
Health: As a person slips into alcoholism a variety of physical signs point to drug to the problem. Are they listless all of the time? Kids don't want to get up in the morning anyway, but they don't always refuse to get moving. Weight loss and weight gain are signs. Are there changes in eating habits? The eyes are an indicator. Has the life gone out of their eyes, or is there a major change?
Appearance: This can be a difficult area to discern, as fashions change and often times what adults feel is acceptable dress may not have anything to do with current trends. Watch for changes in dress. Does a child lose interest in how they look? Kids want to fit in and there is peer pressure influence on the way they dress. Girls, especially, are bombarded with images on appearance. Has there been an attitude shift? Have grooming habits changed?
Attitude and Behavior: As children enter their teen years it is natural for them to want to break away from the family. When kids go to extremes to make sure you don't know who they're with or what they are doing, the red flag should go up. When they become secretive and guarded, when their privacy at home prevents your open access to them, look for something beyond mere adolescent rebellion.
Money can be a sign. If their only interaction with the parents is to ask for money, and when asked why they need money they refuse to answer, or become indignant, that is an indicator of possible drug abuse. Worse yet, they may steal items from home to buy beer or liquor.
Communicating with teens can be a challenge, especially because they are beginning to spread their wings and desire independence from mom and dad. Stay calm. The most common mistake parents can make is trying to force ideas and values on the defiant teenaged mind. I was that way.
There's a leadership responsibility that always needs to be in evidence, and parents need to be parents. Trying to be "best buddies" is not a good strategy. However, parents need to meet their children where they're at. That means trying to understand the situation from your child's perspective.
Teenagers will probably come up with some very wrong reasoning; seriously flawed ideas and their whole world-view will likely be counter to that of their parents. But they have a NEED to be heard and respected. It's one thing to accept an opinion counter to your own, and it's quite another to approve of it.
Try working with your teen's ideas and concepts, and have an open and non-threatening discussion about them. You can establish rules of engagement with your teen and agree that both of you are allowed to express ideas and opinions without fear of retribution.
The key is to remember that the parent needs to be the one in control. As a chaplain, I do a lot of counseling work and my approach is entirely patient-centered. They establish the themes of the conversation, but even though I am not deciding the topic, or necessarily directing the conversation, I am still in control.
Remember that your teenager, like a patient in a hospital, is probably going to be very myopic. He/she will see things only from their perspective. Take a step back and see the entire situation. Go with their feelings, their concerns and walk down their path. Share the experience.
Parents are the front line of the fight against teen drug addiction. Don't push that responsibility off to the schools. Rather, partner with the school counselors, teachers and administrators, never forgetting that you are the one responsible for your teen. If alcohol abuse or addiction enters your home, seek professional help and form another partnership in the effort. Be in control. Be honest. Be alert. Be proactive.
Ned Wicker is the Addictions Recovery Chaplain at Waukesha Memorial Hospital Lawrence Center He author's a website for addiction support:
Drug-Addiction-Support.org or Drug Addiction Symptoms
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