Creative Quanta

I've begun this journey of enlightenment knowing that change must come.  Knowing my current existence would be and has been shaken by this undertaking ...

Case in point, my relationship of 2 years has ended ... and it's not to say that I didn't see it coming but the reality of the ending seems to be one of toughest things to get through.  But growth is what I am seeking and if there is no room ... there is no growth.

With that said, I still find myself fighting the "poor me mentality" and anger about how it ended but I stumbled across something I wrote a few years ago that still holds true for me today.  It gave me a snapshot of the light at the end of the tunnel.  Hopefully it does the same for you. 

                         "Sentiments for one, hopefully understood by many."

I've analyzed my needs, wants and desires ... and while I don't know where my professional life may lead ... I know my emotional and spiritual life centers around my ability to experience emotion on all levels. Not necessarily to be run by those emotions but to allow them to run their course and be in tune with them. My insecurities are just that insecurities held over from the past. I realize that while my previous mistakes were unfortunate ... I am a grown ass woman who has to learn from those mistakes and realize that I am not doomed to make them again unless I choose to do so.

My love for you is pure, honest, exhilarating, intoxicating and scary. It stands to reason my time with you may or may not last. I have to face that fact. The what if factors are too numerous to contemplate ... and it is up to me to make the conscious decision to love unconditionally without the promise of tomorrow. To wrap my mind around this concept goes against my long held belief and practice of self preservation. Although difficult, I find myself able to let go.

I come to you with the gift of my heart, my essence and my hope for a loving future. This should not be viewed as a burden to you, because I do not view you as the "creator of my happiness". I alone am the creator of my happiness. I have been given the tools to experience life the way God and the universe at large sees fit. I am a conscious, feeling, loving being with the blessing of choice and the gift of myself to offer. I realize that I am a gift for the right person. Although I am not perfect, nor will I ever be, my intentions are conceived and offered in love. While this may not be enough for some, it is my fondest wish it will continue to be enough for you.

As you go through your day know that I am here for you, love you and want you to experience all the things that will see you fulfilled, emotionally, professionally and spiritually. I made a promise to myself and in essence to you; I will not make decisions out of fear.  My decisions will always be based in love. All that I do is for love of you. Naive? Perhaps, but I prefer to view it as being optimistic.


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