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HELP! SITUATION SPOTLIGHT - “He hasn’t called! What does it mean?”

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Courtney Elizabeth Anderson

Courtney Elizabeth Anderson

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In our HELP! SITUATION SPOTLIGHT™ series, we shine the light on challenges that community members have shared with me. This episode is, “He hasn’t called! What does it mean?”

Silence. Often a craved for retreat from the noise and chaos of the world. Yet, it can be a perceived enemy depriving us of an opportunity to realize our deepest professional and personal desires. When the phone doesn’t ring, what does it mean? 

The parallels between our personal and professional lives are helpful and insightful at times. When we are waiting for a call to let us know we have a job (or a second interview) or that we have a second date, it can be stressful and scary. Some people are tempted to turn their anxiety about “waiting for an answer” inwards against themselves. They will criticize and insult what they wore, what they said, how they looked, etc., and begin to place the blame on themselves for the awful silence. 

Some people escalate the anxiety into inappropriate (or even illegal) behavior and “follow-up” to “make sure” that their desires are known. They send letters, emails, leave phone messages, send text messages, post on social media, go to the office and even to the home of the object of their desire. They think, “I want this job/ date and they have to know how I feel.” This repeated behavior is inappropriate and may even lead to criminal issues regarding stalking. They know how you feel. Stop.

Why do people do what they do? Because they want to and they are allowed to. Why hasn’t he called? Because he does not want to. What does it mean? That he does not want to call you.

Accept that. Honor that. If the phone does ring later on, then you have the power to decide if you want want that job/date with people who treated you like they did. You have all of the power! 

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