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Country: Hungary

Language: English

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    masters, collars, and questions...

    Yes, half of you would know I was collared by Reverend Damien Darko (DamienDark0) here way back in June or July. Stupid, I know, I didn't learn my lesson the last time I was owned long distance, hopefully I'll learn my lesson this time. He seemed so very different from anyone else. But worse than that, I allowed him to collar me while he owned another person on here. Yes, I guess that in a sense, I'm as bad as him for allowing this to happen. And for the record, I felt bad about the situation and continually asked him to fix the situation for months. Worse still, I kept the secret, and if I have a master, a decent master, I want the world to know about it.
     
    Anyway, everything seemed to be going okay for a month or two. I spoke to him daily, often more than once, phone I'm etc etc. You know, I suppose that it was the novelty thing. Can't get enough of the other person and do your best to speak with them each chance you get. Now, he said his “housemate” was away on a trip. So, while she was gone, I heard from him all the time. We’ll get back to the ‘housemate’ that later.
    He told me that he had no interest in poly, we’d spoken of that very early on. While I don’t much like poly, I can handle being part of a family. Of course, the fact he collared me while owning another without their knowledge was playing heavily on my mind. Along with another set of blatant outright lies which I caught him out with because I’m a sticky-beak, but I won’t go into that.  But damn, the lie was so good that he’d say it without batting an eyelid, no matter what I threw at him he stuck to this lie. How he remembered it all, I’ll never know, but then, he does have a history with acting. Anyway, he told me that he only wanted one person, one pet and that was me.
    About august  he started drifting. I’d speak to him maybe once a day, and that was hurried and curt.  It was about this time he had been bitten by a spider, he was sick as a dog; the brown recluse bite could have done some serious damage. Strangely, as sick as he was, he drove five hours interstate to see a belling dancing troupe. I don’t know about you, but if I’m that sick, I’m not going to drive five hours in a comatose state to see this rehearsal of someone I’ve only spoken to a few times.
    Needless to say, I did not speak to him that weekend, but my suspicions were piqued. For some reason, I felt a need to join CM again. I didn’t know why at the time. I’d not been there in over a year, but still I joined. I needed to join. Just as I was logging off one evening a few days after I had joined, I noticed the name ‘revdarko’. Being whom I am, I had to have a sticky beak and following a few links I found that he owned some 20 year old kid, strangely enough, a certain dolly was his friend on CM as well. I queried this the next time I spoke to him, damn I wish I’d spoken to him on the phone for this, but I didn’t. Anyway, the story was, the girl was pregnant and was seeking “protection” from every guy and his dog jumping on her. He swore there was nothing more to it other than that. When I asked about his drifting away and barely speaking to me, he said that while he was sick, he’d fallen in love with me. He wasn’t used to people calling him day and night to see if he was alive, make sure he hadn’t lapsed into a coma etc etc. He claimed that CM was a place he’d joined to ask a few people how to cope with the love thing. ~shakes head~ Looking back on it now, I should have left it there, but no, stupidly I forgave him and on we tumbled for the next few months. I wanted him to be different I guess, and so I accepted the excuse, lies or whatever they were. Strangely enough, good old Alta Vista hasn't updated the CM site header since mid August. 
    About this time, his ‘housemate’ came home. Even though we had drifted, it had gotten back to fairly regular daily contact.   I called to wake him up before work, IM him while he was at work, talk on his way home. Skype for an short time before he went to sleep, and nine times out of ten he’d get me to call as he bedded down for the night. His supposed ‘housemate’ comes home and all those calls suddenly stop. I only ever chat to him while he is at work, he only phones me when he is going into work or has gone down to the shops. I thought this really odd. I mean, if this person is ONLY a housemte/flatemate/whatever, why would all contact with me be ceased while he is at home? Then he turns around telling me he brought new sheets one day, and the ‘housemates’ tells him she doesn’t like them…? Maybe it’s just me, but this is odd.
    Another month or two, I believe him when he tells me that he’s ever so busy at work, barely getting time to sleep etc etc. Still, I only ever hear from him while he is at work, once or twice he called from home.. to put my suspicions to rest I suppose.
    Sometime in October he calls me in quiet a state. Seems a close relative had been taken to hospital. He took a few days off work to go and see this relative. Although, I’m wondering now if it really was a sick relative or something else.    Sometime in October he calls me in quiet a state. Seems a close relative had been taken to hospital. He took a few days off work to go and see this relative. Although, I’m wondering now if it really was a sick relative or something else. Maybe someone in real life starting using again. And the motorcycle accident that he claims to have had, guess I'm the only one that knows about that too...?  ~shrugs~ Who knows,  I’m second guessing everything now.
     
    Back to the same ol’ same ol’, only hear from him while he is at work. Around this time, I started getting really sick again, so my sleeping pattern makes it hard for us to speak to each other. Where once upon a time, I’d send him little messages about what I was doing and he’d do the same now we never spoke unless it seemed we needed to. Early November, he still claims he is too busy with everything to talk to me, yet he can get online with and play on MySpace with dolls, making up jokes when Halloween nears.. Even going so far as to comment on a web site that a certain doll  ‘looks better calling me master than you do.’ Now, I only found the above comment today.  Joke or not, he’s obviously got enough spare time to make jokes but can’t be bothered talking to his beloved pet that weekend.
    The leather collared he sent me was packed and labelled by the time I message him this evening, asking about this. The excuse this time was that he knows that I used to check up on the things he did from time to time a few months ago, he thought he’d put a few ‘dummies’ up to see if I’d take the bait. All of a sudden unmarried people are miraculously married; and the ‘housemate” was on this site so he’d leave himself online.. blah blah blah.
     
    Now, just out of curiosity, I’m I wrong to be suspicious after all this? Am I wrong to question  a guy that collared me while owning another, and in turn “safety collars” another without telling me? Had I known poly was an option sure, fine ok, I can cope with that. I might be a ‘slave’ but I am very possessive and territorial of what I perceive as ‘mine’. So, was it wrong of me to constantly question actions that never seemed to make sense? Things that never seemed to click together?  Am I missing something here, or am I just being nutty and reading into things where there is nothing to read into?
    I truly despise being lied to, I loathe not knowing where I stand in a relationship of any kind.
    Truth honour and integrity are what we should all strive for in this world as there seems to be so little of it around. Unfortunately, even fewer of us practice these virtues we so often preach about.
    No, I don't trust him, I don't think I've trusted him for months, although I gave him the benefit of the doubt enough times. And I still have his f**ken initials I tattooed onto my tit to prove to him that I was willing to do anything for him. Did I love, him..? I could easily have if I'd allowed myself to fall for him, yes. Hey, now I can save the remaining money from my savings over Christmas and use it on things that are worthwhile, like bills, bikes etc etc.
    Hmm or maybe I am just a nutter.. However, I already know.. At least I've a decent birthday present for this coming Monday from him. Hey, he never bothered to give me much else even though he promised me enough things. And it’s not the fact he didn’t send them that irks me, it’s the fact I wasn’t worth the time for him to go out of his way to send them like the times I went out of my way to post him stuff. All I wanted was a hand written letter, maybe a few pics of him and his dogs. Is that too much? Hell, he even lost my address and I’d given to him numerous times since I started speaking to him, then the ‘housemate’ throws out the boxes I sent out. Ironic, huh? Yes, yes, I’m whinging..  
     
    I wish you well,

    wolfe

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