Finding Peace with Family and Finances During the Holidays

I grew up celebrating Christmas. In fact, in the rural town where I grew up everyone did. We didn't say, "Happy Holidays," we said, "Merry Christmas." And when it got closer to Christmas, we began to say, "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" to everyone. It was an honored tradition to greet one another in this way and we smiled as we exchanged the greetings.

As a child, the approach of Christmas was almost too exciting to bear. Awaiting Santa Claus' arrival on your roof in a magical sleigh full of presents and pulled by eight tiny reindeer was... Well... WHOA!!! This went on every December for years until the day when Santa basically died; the news was broken to me that the whole thing had been a big sham—a myth. Naturally I was devastated.

Yet I think the thing that hit me even harder about Christmas as I grew was the realization that it had shifted from a time of joy and celebration to a time to be endured. I knew I was supposed to enjoy the holiday parties, getting a tree, decorating it, buying presents, wrapping them, and placing them under the tree. So what if I was spending money that I didn't have on things that my kids and others didn't need—or in many cases even want? This was Christmas! This was the one time of the year when I got to pretend that I was financially free. My kids expected it AND deserved it, as did my family and friends. To receive a gift and not have one to give in return was one of my great fears and yet somehow it happened every year. Someone I had never exchanged gifts with before would inevitably change the rules and thrust an expertly wrapped gift into my hand, while all I could do was stammer and feel like a thoughtless fool. *Sigh* 

For years this madness went on. And then, one day, it stopped. I gave myself permission to celebrate Christmas my way, which meant turning it back into something that could feel like a celebration to me.