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THUNDER'S BLOG

So much happened in Daytona last week I have been struggling to decide where to begin. So, I guess I should just start with the beginning of Speedweeks.

SCENE ONE: THE BUD SHOOTOUT

We entered the infield Saturday morning and landed a sweet spot for our motorcoach right next to Lake Lloyd. One of my favorite spots at Daytona is the exit of Turn 2. If the hair on your arms doesn’t stand up when you see all of those race cars coming off the high banks as they head down the massive 3000’ backstretch at the Daytona International Speedway, then you better check your pulse…you might be dead.

With our spot secure and our campsite all set up, I thought I would take a ride on my “Cruizin' Cooler” and have a cold beverage. I had a little work to do in the garage area with a couple of PR directors, but other than that, I had nothing to do until the race went green around 8pm. So, Stoli & cranberry in hand, I rolled through the infield to take a quick ride and see how our reserved spot for the 500 looked. I was curious to see where they parked us because we were in a new spot this year.

As I turned the corner, I came up on a Daytona security guard who I promptly asked, “Do you know where spot #134 is?” As he cleared the cobwebs from his head and tried to remember what day it was (no one at Daytona EVER knows anything when you ask them and I don’t know why I even bother asking) another security guard drove up on a golf cart. And, as friendly as the old coot was, the young jackass on the golf cart was a total TOOL. At the risk of being sued, I will call him Brad V.

Brad V. went on to yell at me as if I was a 12-year-old. He told me I could not have the cooler in the infield and that I needed to put it up. I immediately apologized and said I would put it away in the motorhome and would not ride it again. At this point, he changed his mind and said, “No wait a minute…we’re gonna take that one. Yeah, I’m impounding that one.”

I asked him why and he told me because he could. It was clear to me at this point that this little man had a few problems. His height led me to believe that he had “little man disease”, also called “The Napoleon Complex”. Either that, or he hadn’t had sex in months. Probably both now that I think about it. Who would want to be with such an outright jackass? I’ll bet he hasn’t had a woman in years, and if he ever found one desperate enough to be with him, he would probably blow it in a day anyway.

Since my kids were back at the motorcoach with Grandpa Thunder, I wanted to go back to the coach to let them know that I had to run out to the impound lot for a few minutes. I turned the cooler and started riding back to the coach. My short ride of maybe 100’ turned in to a “low speed chase” as Brad V. began high tailing it after me, radio in hand, as he dialed up the police to help him with the “rogue cooler guy”. I guess he thought he was a little too small to handle me by himself so he called for back up.

I pulled in to our motorcoach space, which was also along side the road track, and hit the rumble strips at full speed. Stoli & cranberry straight up in the air, and then all over my shirt and shorts…soak and wet! Thanks BRAD!!!

I let the family know that “Jerky” was impounding my little cooler and I would be back shortly. But, when I arrived at the impound lot I couldn’t believe my eyes. Brad and his co-horts had already impounded a slew of motorized vehicles from infield race fans including a few “Barbie Jeeps” and tricycles obviously belonging to small children.

SCROOGE!!!

Brad, I was nothing but respectful of your authority, I never raised my voice, and I agreed to put the cooler away immediately. Yet, you were still the biggest jackass I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with, and I hope your house is leveled by the next hurricane that graces our wonderful state. If you have the nuts to call in to my show and attempt to defend your actions, please dial 321-747-0713 tonight between 9:45 and 10:15 PM…the floor will be yours Jerky!

SCENE TWO:  THE ATLANTIC CITY AIRPORT THURSDAY EVENING

A few years back, I introduced all of you to the “Crusherman”. The Crusherman is famous for walking up to race fans in the infield’s of race tracks across America, stealing their can of beer right out of their hands, chugging it in front of them, and then crushing the can on his forehead. He is a NASCAR legend and a true American. So much in fact, that he boxed up all of his Tony Stewart paraphernalia and mailed it to the Big Man when JGR switched from Chevy to Toyota. Now the Crusherman roots for his Jersey boy Martin Truex Jr., and that is where the trouble began! In Jersey.

After the Duel 150’s on Thursday, I jumped in my truck and drove home to shower and change for a night of VH. That’s Van Halen for all of you old timers and youngins. The show was incredible as always, Eddie Van Halen is a magician and he mesmerized me as usual, but it was the text message that came in to my phone at the end of the concert that really raised my eyebrows. It was from the Crusherman and here is what it said…

“Just got out of handcuffs at the Atlantic City Airport, will fill you in later.” – The Crusherman

I immediately showed the message to Mrs. Thunder, and knowing the Crusherman, she wasn’t surprised.

As it turns out, when you order drinks at an airport bar, you HAVE to pay for them! The Crusherman had ordered two beers and one mixed drink from the bartender, who promptly whipped up his beverages and shouted across the bar, “Here you go buddy, that’s $27.50.”

The Crusherman nearly fell over!

“$27.50, are you kidding me? I’m not paying $27.50 for two beers and a drink. Never mind I don’t want them.”

Well, long story short, the bartender called over the New Jersey State Police and the Crusherman found himself in the back seat of a police cruiser with his hands cuffed behind his back. When the police came over to the bar they asked him to pay his bar bill and he refused. He said he had not drunk nor even touched the beverages and he was declining the order. When the police told him to pay or go to jail, he said, “Take me to jail!”

Minute’s before, he was a mere three hours from the Daytona infield, now he was a jail-bird.

But, how does that old saying go? “Behind every good man is a better woman.”

Thank God for Mrs. Crusherman! She talked the police in to letting her husband go if she paid the bar bill, and in less than four hours they were in the Daytona infield. What we later found out was that the arresting officer had a Valentine’s Day dinner planned with his fiancé and didn’t want to do the paperwork on the Crusherman. Sometimes, timing is everything!

SCENE THREE: ESPN RADIO

Friday afternoon I had a few meetings in the pits, a bunch of radio shows to do, and an interview at the motorcoach, and that was it. So after my next to last radio show, I headed over to the Turn One bar to see the Kentucky Gang and my boy Scooby.

The Kentucky Gang has been coming to the Daytona infield for years, and if you have ever been in the infield, you know who they are. Drivers come by to visit them, crew chiefs come by, heck even owners and grandchildren of famous drivers come by (it was cool to meet you Danny, your Grandpa was the best ever).

The Kentucky boys actually pay $1,400 for a reserved RV space, but instead of parking an RV on it, they build a bar! Not a little bar, but a bar for a few hundred people. In recent years, we have had Mike Skinner, Denny Hamlin, Jack Sprague, Jimmie Johnson, Shane Huffman, Brian Vickers, Kevin Harvick, and many others come by and party with us. It’s always been a lot of fun and we never seem to have any problems…until the “Shine” starts to flow, and for me, it flowed early on Friday…too early!

As I sat down at the bar Friday afternoon, I knew I only had one more radio show to do and I was done for the day. I set an alarm on my Palm Treo to remind me to call in to the show at 5:03 PM. Well, two hours later and a half a mason jar of “Shine” later, I missed my appearance. My phone was on vibrate and I never felt it. Uh-Oh.

I cannot remember ever missing an appearance in my entire career, but hey, there is a first time for everything, and I made it up to them on Monday when I did my Daytona 500 re-cap. My 15-minute spot turned in to a 25-minute spot. Sorry guys! My bad.

SCENE FOUR:  THUNDER’S CAR KEYS

After apologizing profusely to the ESPN people, I decided it was time to really start partying because the truck race was only a few hours away.

Fast forward…the truck race ends. My vision is blurry…and my car keys are gone! I have a leather #3 key fob that has a clip on it which hooks to my belt loop and it was missing. After searching high and low, I decided to go back to the turn one bar and see if perhaps I lost them there. Worst-case scenario, I could drink some more “shine”, maybe it would come to me then. Did they fall off my belt loop or did I misplace them? I was hoping the “shine” would trigger something!

Three hours later…no keys!

SCENE FIVE:  THE TURN ONE BRAWL

Stressed out about my lost keys and way in to the Stoli and the “shine”, things began to get ugly. And I don’t mean “drunk ugly”, I mean “Ugly Chick Ugly”.

The turn one bar also has a stripper pole and a bar top for Daytona’s finest to dance on, and well, get naked!

There were two “BIG UGLIES” on top of the bar dancing at around 1AM when all hell broke loose. If you are going to get your big ass up on the turn one bar top, be prepared to get naked or be heckled. They were not prepared!

As the heckling got louder, nastier, and less tasteful than perhaps ever before, the bigger one reached down to the top of the bar, picked up a full drink and tossed it at me like Roger Clemens on HGH. She drilled me right in the chest.

Soak and wet and more than a little pissed off, I did something really stupid. I grabbed a half can of beer and threw it back at her like Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn in the movie “Major League”. Luckily, it sailed passed her right air and didn’t hit her.

Regardless, half the bar jumped me and the brawl was on. More than 50 people became involved in a free-for-all. Pushing, shoving, punching, kicking, it was all on display in turn one. Grandpa Thunder got knocked on his ass and tore up his right shoulder, I lost me gold necklace and cross, and my boy Steve broke his cell phone belt clip and trashed his IPHONE.

As the carnage continued and the brawl escalated, the police showed up with sirens blaring. We scooped Grandpa Thunder off the infield grass and headed out of there before the handcuffs came out. Did I mention that the Kentucky Gang is a group of cops and drug enforcement agents? I don’t think I would have gotten far had I hung around to meet the Daytona police. Something about “police code, brotherhood, etc.”

The good news is that Grandpa Thunder’s shoulder is going to be fine, my keys were found in the middle of the infield near a motorhome I was peeing behind Friday night (not that I remember even being near that motorhome), ESPN Radio has not fired me, the Big Man won two of the race pools and cashed in like Barry Bonds, and the amount of show content we have for tonight’s UNCENSORED show, “TWISTED METAL” with Captain Thunder, is off the chain! If you miss tonight’s show, you may miss the most hysterical racing show of all-time.

Other than that, it was an uneventful week. Oh yeah, Ryan Newman won the 50th running of the Daytona 500.

Make sure you and your NASCAR friends get together each week and listen to our two radio shows, "Burning Rubber" and "Twisted Metal". “Burning Rubber” airs each Tuesday night at 8:00 PM e.s.t. You can listen by clicking the link on our homepage and you can also listen to replays in our Radio Replays section. The show also airs on www.racetalkradio.com Friday nights at 8:00 PM e.s.t.

“Twisted Metal” is an UNCENSORED show and is NOT for those under the age of 18. If you are not a prude or an old lady, check out “Twisted Metal”, it is the wildest show on radio and is not for the timid! “Twisted Metal” airs every Thursday evening at 9:00 PM e.s.t. and replays are also available in our Radio Replays section.

Keep the pictures coming! We encourage you to send us the wildest race pictures you have. Please email them to us and we will post them in our photo section. Y’all had better send me some hot stuff from California!

Remember to check the site every day www.captainthunderracing.com; we will continue to update it daily with all of the breaking NASCAR news from around the country!


See You At The Track,

Captain Thunder