Date Smarter, Not Harder!  

Show Notes

• Archived Blog Post

  Date / Time: 4/18/2008 6:07 AM UTC

  Doc Love Is Crazy and if You Follow His Dating Advice, You Are Too!
  

  I was invited by Alan Roger Currie, host of blogtalk show Upfront and Straightforward and author of Mode One to co-host his show earlier this evening, and participate in the interview with Doc Love. Listen to the broadcast here:  Podcast of 4/17/08 Interview with Doc Love
  
  I am very familiar with Doc Love through his work on the website AskMen.Com, and for several years I've posted my criticism of his theories and belief systems about women and how men can be successful with them.  Basically he attempts to label and categorize women's emotional response so that men can use logic and exhibit the "appriopriate" behaviors to gain control of the relationship and the woman. In my mind, the things Doc Love proposes men do to "get" a woman are ridiculous games, full of pretense, and unworthy of a true man with solid confidence seeking a woman of similar character.
  
  Basically, we disagree on so many issues about this stuff it's not even funny.
  
  I had to consider that perhaps at least a part of our opposing stance has to do with racial and cultural differences, because his market is primarily young Caucasian men and I of course interact primarily with women (of all races), and Black men and women in particular.  I have almost 2 decades of experience on the web interacting with men and women all over the world, and notice a very real difference in how each responds to the opposite sex. 
  
  But back to Dock Love.  Many the behaviors he espouses are things that would make a woman that was serious and with her stuff together (allegedly the type of woman a man would want to marry), shoot him to the curb with an immediacy that would make his head spin!
  
  For example. one of Doc Love's primary guidelines is that after a guy gets a woman's home phone number, he should not call her for 4 to 9 days.  Let's just use 7 days as a guideline since its just about in the middle of the range.  Here is a typical scenario of how that would go with a woman that is not desperate and stupid:
  
  Solid interesting together woman meets a guy, he gets her number telling her how interested he is in getting to know her.  She doesn't give her number out to every knucklehead that asks for it, so she sees him as someone special and is very excited about the possibilities of a date with him and the opportunity to find out more about him.
  
  But he sits on the number, playing the Doc Love game so he won't be "predictable", and doesn't call her for a week.  According to Doc Love, he is building up interest and that she is thinking about him and hanging around waiting for him to call. 
  
  HAHAHA!  NOT!
  
  That woman, who is confident and secure in herself and her desirability is doing no such thing. She was excited the first day, a little less so by the second, and by the third she is irritated and tells her friends he must be married or a player.  By the fourth day she has blown him off as just another number collecting fool and shakes her head at how stupid men are and miss out on opportunities by playing stupid games. 
  
  By the fifth day she is disgusted and hits the happy hour with her sorors.  There she meets a great guy that is funny, enthusiastic, and makes his interest in her known.  He calls the next day to touch base and tell her he enjoyed meeting her and is busy with a project at work, but wants to call her so they can have a chat on the phone or meet up for a drink.  He makes her laugh.  He asks what time is good (respecting her work schedule as well).  They decide to chat on the phone as they are both under tight deadlines.  They have a great 20 minute conversation and she goes to bed with a smile.  They've agreed to get together for a drink the next day.  This is Friday.  She has a date, she has a man that is paying attention to her, and who is interesting and handsome.  She can't wait for the date.  THAT is the man she is thinking about.  All night and all the next day.
  
  So when homey from last week calls trying to be all casual, after sweating for a week following his Doc Love rules, he gets "WHO? Oh you!  Well I'm seeing someone else, so bye!"  You did not "build interest" fool, you knocked yourself out of the ring!
  
  Get this guys, hanging onto a REAL woman's phone number, not a silly insecure girl with low self esteem desperate for a date, is not the way to do things.  However, if you are okay with dating silly insecure girls with low self esteem, then by all means play those games.
  
  Some guys say well you can't call too soon, women don't like it if you call too soon.
  
  That is bull too.
  
  For one thing, if a woman likes you, there is no such thing as too soon.  You can call her 10 minutes later and its not too soon.  I have a survey operating on my website which has polled more than 5,000 single men and women over a 2 year period and I can tell you flatly that waiting to call a woman that is excited about talking to you does NOT help anything.
  
  On the flip side if she is not into you, it won't matter if you call her the next day or a month later, she still won't be interested.  It's not how soon you called, its that she wasn't interested in the first place!  And really, you should find that out SOONER rather than later so you can get on with your life.  So call already!
  
  Another of Doc Love's theories that I disagree strongly with is this:  Women With High Interest Level will chase men that are a challenge, and always keep dates.  He says that if a woman does break a date, she is not interested.  That is so not true!
  
  Not only does the reality of our lives sometimes get in the way of dating (illness, work, children from prior relationships, menstrual cramps, etc.) sometimes women can sense that a man is trying to control her response and behavior and getting a little too cocky about how much she is into him.  So in order to bring him down a notch or two, she flips the script on him and breaks a date so that HE will be in the "I wonder what she feels for me" seat.  Kinda levels the playing field.  Does not always mean she isn't interested.  It just means she recognizes the game you are playing and she plays it back!
  
  Now when I mentioned my opposing viewpoints to Doc Love, he termed women who thought as I do about a man not calling "structured."  When I tried to explain my thoughts, he rudely talked over me and drowned me out.  Poor manners!  Whatever happened to "ladies first?"  Doc Love claimed that structured women are the only ones that will not respond positively to his system and that they should be kicked to the curb.
  
  Well if that is the case, I say all women need to be "structured" with regards to how they expect men to treat them!  Have some boundaries and standards for the men in your life.  Remember, WOMEN CHOOSE MEN.  So if he does not treat you in the way you expect to be treated, with the respect and attention you want, then he is not offering you the RELATIONSHIP you want.  If you give him what he wants at your expense, he'll be happy and you will be miserable.  And ultimately, you will leave him anyway, which is what Doc Love's system purports to prevent.
  
  Dating is about providing an opportunity to explore another person's heart, mind and spirit, and to find the common ground upon which you might involve yourselves on a deeper level.  Dating is about learning, not only about your partners, but about yourself!  By showing appreciation, caring and respect to those you date, allowing them to know who you are, and encouraging them the to share themselves, you can create new relationships that are solid and rewarding.  Not every woman you date is going to become a girlfriend or wife, but your life will still be fun, full and richer because you had the courage to be real.  And for that you have my respect.
  
  Deborrah Cooper (Ms. HeartBeat)
  
  • Tags:
  • love
  • dating
  • advice
  • love
  • romance
  • Permalink

Comments

Tizzy 11/19/2009 10:08 PM UTC You stated that Doc Love says to drop the woman if she breaks a date. Can you say 'cherry pick'? Have you read 'The System'? Doc states in his book to drop a woman if she breaks a date and makes NO counter offer. This is a sign of low interest. If you're going to write a blog you might want to include all the facts.

metalhaze 5/17/2009 12:20 AM UTC "WOMEN CHOOSE MEN." depends on what, when it comes to sex yes, when it comes to commitment no. he who has more options and cares less about the relationship controls it. However, it is true that women want a challenging guy. no women wants a guy who commits easily, who is eager to please, who gives his time and energy freely, is too available. here is an interesting article by michelle langley on that subject http://ezinearticles.com/?Bad-Girls:-Lets-Be-Honest-Ladies,-Arent-You-Only-Into-Him-Because-Hes-Not-Into-You?&id=87022

You are not logged in. Please log in to write a comment.