Angel jr  

I could do it, tonight, when no one is home, when I have no one around, and be dead before someone would get home. It would be so simple. So easy, than the pain of living will just be gone.

I am so sick of just living to exist, I am so sick, of just being here, when someone needs me, but them not there when I need them. I am sick of just being so worthless that no one gives a flying duck  about me.

I am just here, living to exist, I already feel dead, I already feel as if I am no longer around anymore, so what does it matter?

What if I kill myself tonight, and escape all the pain of waiting around the next thirty years and than dying? Why not just make it easier on myself and others now.

I will never want to live, I haven't for a long time, I have been putting on a mask, and hidding what, and how I am really feeling. Yes, I do have a boyfriend, and No he doesn't know everything about me, for I don't want him to know, I don't need him to know about the sexual abuse, or that I have thoughts of killing myself, I don't want him to know.

Sure if I kill myself today, some people might be a little hurt, but for the best, they will get over it in days, and go on life as if I wasn't even here to begin with.

I could do it, tonight, end all my pain, end everything. I am just sick of being worthless, alone, and have no one in real life to really turn to and talk to about this.

I guess it really doesn't matter anymore. I can't be happy, I can't even work out anymore, without fear of doing more damage to my body, I think I pushed it to far. I am alone, and I am nothing but someone who is here just to exist. I hate living that way, and I don't want to anymore.