Whatever  

I cannot stand so-called female-empowering, forward-to-everyone-you know e-mails. They really bother me. The following is a revision of one of the aforementioned (the words in bold font are obviously mine).

To every girl that is SCARED to put her heart out there again, because she has been HURT too many times or so badly.

Get over it.

To every girl that has been cheated on, because she's not a slut who gives it up to anyguy.

At least the slut didn't cheat on you.

To every girl that dresses cute, not skanky.

Quit talking sh1t about girls who dress skanky.

To every girl who wants to be called beautiful, not hot.

See your guidance counselor.

To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect present for you.

Do not buy him a video game, unless you want to spend the whole day watching him play it

To every girl that would die to have a decent boyfriend.

This is why you do not have a decent boyfriend.

To every girl who would just once like to be treated like a princess.

Chill out with the Disney movies.

To every girl that just wants to hold hands.

He just wants you to hold his dick.

To every girl that kisses him with meaning.

This means nothing to him unless the kiss is below the belt.

To every girl who just wishes he cared more.

Dress like a skank.

To every girl who would just once want a guy to give their jacket up when they are cold.

Make him think that you want to have sex with him.

To every girl who just wants him to call.

Calling him over and over will not speed up the process.

To every girl who lies awake at night thinking about him.

Ask your doctor about Lunesta.

To every girl that just wants to cuddle.

Guys try to sleep with you by saying they just want to cuddle.

To every girl that just wants to sleep with him without having sex.

Try sleeping with him without having sex.

To every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing back.

Have you ever heard that Offspring song called Self-Esteem?

To every girl that thought "maybe this one could be The One."

You should probably keep that to yourself.

To every girl that doesn't want a guy who just plays with her emotions but actually cares about how she feels.

[See: To every girl who would just once want a guy to give their jacket up when they are cold.]

To every girl who wants words backed up with actions.

That's what you're supposed to do.

To every girl that fell for all the lies only to find themselves alone in the end.

Your friends will always be there to tell you "I told you so."

To every girl that gave her heart away to have it shoved back in her face.

You've probably had a lot of things shoved in your face.

To every girl that has faith that "tomorrow will be a better day."

And it will be.

Don't be naïve.

To the girl who wrote the original version this so-called female-empowering, forward-to-everyone-you know e-mail-

Please keep your words of inspiration out of my inbox.