All Things Black & Sexual  

I remember when I had slave hair.  I call it slave hair because not only is it the hair that slaves where told was more beautiful than their own, natural, nappy hair, but I was also enslaved to it.  I couldn't go outside when it was raining, I couldn't go swimming, I couldn't have sex with a man right after I got it done, I couldn't scratch my scalp right before I was going to get my six week reapplication of deadly chemicals, I had to live my life around making sure my naps didn't show.  

I had all the arguments against relaxed hair PERFECTED.  I would argue with any woman who suggested that my straight hair was anything other than a mere styling option.  I convinced myself that I was right and that any woman that even suggested that relaxed hair was some sort of Eurocentric standard of beauty was insane.  

I was the same as all the women who rationalize their self-hatred, who condemn me, and who defend their slave hair.   

Then, I evolved.  I grew.  I got strong.  I put aside the memories of my grandmother telling me that nappy hair was ugly.  I rejected the comments, jokes, and taunts of little boys telling me that my natural hair wasn't pretty like white girls.  At the time, I was becoming more spiritually aware, I stopped eating meat, I was becoming healthier all around.  I was still holding on to my slave hair.  I was terrified that if I let go of my slave hair, that I'd be ugly.  I was horrified that if I let go of my slave hair, that I'd never get a job, I'd never get a man, that the world would look at me as something less than human and certainly not beautiful.  Then one day, I woke up and I realized that history is prologue.  I accepted that my natural, nappy hair was my birthright, that I could be beautiful with the hair that God intended me to have, without chemicals, without the messages that every little Black girl gets beaten into them that tells her to be ashamed of her natural hair.  It was only then that I became liberated from my slave hair.  It was only then that I became free.  

The Internet has dumbed people down.  Society in general fosters emotionally immature behavior.  Here is your opportunity to really think about your life, your loves, your passions and reflect on your feelings.  The challenge is not to give the briefest answers, you don't even have to answer them all at one time, but look at this as an opportunity to really grow.  

Brought to you by AfroerotiK


1.    What was the most damaging event in your life that gave you a negative self-image?

2.    What patterns from your parents have shown up in your adult relationships?

3.    What is one personality flaw you wish you could completely erase from your life?

4.    I feel very insecure when . . .

5.    I feel profound joy when . . .

6.    My mission in life is . . .

7.    My most memorable love-making experience was . . .

8.    How have your belief systems, practices and behaviors evolved from your parents?

9.    What’s the most important thing you want your children to know about you after you’re dead?

10.    What talent or ability do you possess that makes you different from your peers?

11.    How are you different from the person you were 20 years ago?

12.    Define what intimacy means to you.

13.    What movie had the most impact on how you see the world?

14.    You have the opportunity to go back in time and apologize to someone you hurt.  What would you say?

15.    If your ideal, dream life is a 10, how would you rate your life TODAY in   comparison?

16.    What song or recording artist moves you emotionally?

17.    If you could make love to one person, one time only, who would it be?

18.    What did you do wrong in your most significant relationship?

19.    Do you regret giving your virginity to the person you did?

20.    Describe yourself in 5 words.