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AfroerotiK

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Margaret Wendt

Margaret Wendt

I would love to know more about you. Would you like to be a guest on my show? Best, mww

The Nxt LvL

The Nxt LvL

Hey love thanks for the invite keep me posted on anything you got going on. You have my full support

All Things Black & Sexual  

This show is for open-minded, intelligent, informed, socially aware, sex-positive, sexually empowered African Americans and those who admire them.

  • On Demand Episodes

    Date / Time:

    The Myth of the Magical, All-Powerful White Man

    The Myth of the Magical, All-Powerful White Man
    Or Debunking the Fallacy of White Supremacy

    I’ve come to understand that there are certain Black people who believe that white men have super powers, supposedly genetically-inherited, superior intellectual mind-control techniques that they use to oppress people of color around the globe.  If I understand their assertions correctly, they believe that white men are capable of controlling the minds of brown people universally and conversely no one is able to get into their minds, no one is able to control them because everyone else is under their spell, hypnotized by their . . . whiteness I guess.  Their whiteness is theoretically impenetrable and renders mere people of color helpless to combat their evil machinations.  It seems that this small faction of Black people believe that white men possess genetic predisposition to rule the world and, oddly enough and quite contradictorily, they believe that it is the secret mission of white men to become Black, or at least commandeer Blackness because they feel jealous of it.  I’m led to believe that they accomplish their mission with their superior intellect, secret societies, and agendas passed down from white brethren to white brethren to intricately know the minds of Black folks and to beat us at our own game.  I’m here to say that NOTHING could be further from the truth. 

    Dr. Frances Cress Welsing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frances_Cress_Welsing is the preeminent black scholar of these types of assertions.  If she is not the originator of them, she certainly is the benchmark Black people use to quote and or paraphrase their “white supermen” theories.  I think it should also be noted here that the vast and overwhelming majority of Black people believe completely differently than the above-mentioned theories.  Sadly, most Black people believe in the fallacy of white supremacy but they don’t have a clue that they do.  Most Black people say color doesn’t matter and sign on hook, line, and sinker for any cliché that white people cast at them.  Most Black people wouldn’t know how to question the status quo if you paid them.  That’s not because we are inherently stupid, it’s a byproduct of our enslavement where we were taught not to question white people or anything they tell us.  People of color have to believe in the fallacy of white supremacy, lest you get those pesky minorities who try to buck the system and talk about racism and the inherent privileges white people have simply by virtue of their skin color.

    First, let’s break it down and establish some truths in these fallacious white supremacist concepts.  There is UNQUESTIONABLY a fallacy of white supremacy that dictates, rules, and poisons the entire world.  It seems that the smallest population of people have been able to order, control, dominate, oppress, and manipulate the earth’s resources so that they control and “own” damn near everything.  I say the fallacy of white supremacy implicitly because it is nothing more than illusion.  It’s a fallacy that they are superior, it’s not a fallacy that they have been able to take their inflated belief in self and transform that into global domination.  Does average white Joe or Sally believe that they are better than people of color?  Yes, that’s how the game is perpetuated.  Average white Joe or Sally has to believe that history started with their arrival on the planet, that white people are the originators of the arts and sciences.  They have to believe that whites made every technological advancement.  If they don’t sign on for the belief that whites were smarter, stronger, more capable, more civilized, more refined, more god-like than any other people, then the whole house of cards starts to fall.  Average Joe and Sally White has to believe that there is something inherent about them that makes them better, that makes them more deserving of peace, justice, and liberty than anyone else on the planet.  God is a white man thus white men have to be given more insight, more leadership ability, more spiritual stuff, right?  The air white people breathe has to be more sacred, the land they live on has to be more consecrated, more blessed, more protected than anyone else’s land.  Greece has to be the birthplace of the humanities, Columbus has to be the greatest explorer, Shakespeare has to be the best composer, Rocky has to be the best fighter, Jesus has to have blue eyes and blonde hair, and white people have to believe that to be true from the time they are born in order for the fallacy of white supremacy to thrive.  White has to be right or the entire fallacy of white supremacy crumbles like a crunchy taco shell on Cinco de Mayo at an all you can eat Mexican buffet.    

    Ever watch the news right after some white person has gone on a killing spree and killed everyone they could?  The neighbors all say the same thing.  “Oh, he was so nice.  You just don’t think something like that can happen in this neighborhood.”  That, dear ladies and gentlemen, is the fallacy of white supremacy at work.  It is the belief that crime only happens in Black/Latino neighborhoods.  It’s the belief that Psycho Joe, as everyone in the neighborhood calls him, is a good ole boy regardless of the fact that he kills the neighborhood cats and drinks their blood because he has white blood.  You see, whiteness equals good in this society.  It’s what children are taught in school, it’s what’s reflected in the media, it’s the thread that’s woven into the very fabric of how the perceptions of how the world is viewed.    White men who get to decide what is and what isn’t racist comes purely from the fallacy of white supremacy.  It’s the notion that they don’t have to consider anyone else’s experience or perspective because what they see, and think, and believe has to be right. 

    Are there secret societies that have been formed to keep people of color oppressed?  Yes.  Do those men have super abilities, do they have access to mind control techniques that keep people of color hypnotized in order to exact their plans of global domination?  Not exactly.  What those secret societies posses are members who are egotistical and greedy and intent on keeping their illegitimate power.  Their ego is born from this belief that white men are special, that they have rights and privileges no one else is deserving of.  Their ego is what drives them to steal, rape, kill, and oppress.  Their ego makes them narcissistic bastards who sit around and try to figure out ways to control the money and power so that it doesn’t get into the hands of brown, yellow, or (what’s left of) red people.  It is nothing more than their ego that makes white men think that they have more inherent value than anyone else that has created this false sense of superiority.  Their ego is greater than most white men but it’s certainly not genetic and it’s not indication that they want to be Black or have a need to oppress people because they feel insecure because they lack melanin. 

    From where did this warped sense of self originate?  How did white people first come to believe that they had dominion over the colored people of the planet?  I have no earthly idea. I can’t even begin to speculate.  I do know that it has infected every country, every place white people have been for thousands of years.  What I can do, however, is tell you how the fallacy of white supremacy has been able to flourish and metastasize in this country over the last 400 years.  There’s no magic to it, there’s no genetics involved, there’s no secret societal agenda, it’s pure psychology.  Understanding the mind and how it works holds the key to understanding how and why white people in this country have been able to dictate and dominate the minds of people of color for over four centuries. 

    Europeans saw the beautiful brown bodies of the indigenous people of the land that is now known as Africa and believed that they were inferior savages.  They assumed they themselves were inherently superior and that is was their right to capture, kill, kidnap, enslave, and own those people.  That belief, what they thought was truth and knowledge and undisputable fact, is what created the system of racial slavery in the US that has been unequaled in the world before or since.  They believed that their skin was better, their hair was better, their features were more attractive; they believed that their language, arts, customs, religion, and practices had more validity than anything Africans could contribute.  They had a deep-seated need to control and subjugate and veritably crush the wills of those people of color. 

    Africans who were enslaved, those who survived the middle passage were and transportation to the United States were emotionally, psychologically, spiritually healthy people.  They were capable of making choices and decisions on their own, forming their own opinions, knowing what it was to be a human being outside of their enslavement.  Slaves born in this country, those who never knew freedom, were never privileged enough to know anything other than what the system of slavery taught them.  Slaves born into they system believed from birth that whites were superior, that Blacks were inferior, and that anything and everything that was good was white.  Every black child born into slavery learned the same lessons, that white was right and that black was equivalent to evil. 

    Conversely, every white child born in this country was the beneficiary of being born in a system that told them that every thing about their life, their world, their entire existence that they were superior to anyone with color.  (Rather, anything, because they didn’t see slaves as humans)   The prevalence of racism and the systems, laws, and beliefs enacted during slavery set the stage for every white child to not only believe they were superior but it was validated (at least in their minds) because anything and everything of accomplishment was achieved by white people. 

    Fast forward and the beliefs held by the children of slave owners and the children of white people in general, whether they owned slaves or not, have been passed down from generation to generation.  The key instruments in building a child’s self esteem are to shower them with praise and reinforce to them that they have an inherent worth.  Having books, and TV shows and movies that show children people that look like them builds a sense of self.  Reading children stories where all the heroes are white perpetuates the fallacy of white supremacy.  Teaching children that God in heaven looks like them validates that white is the baseline, the standard by which everything else has to be measured.  White children, never having read a book about Black people, never having heard a story of African accomplishment, never conceiving that anyone other than white people contributed anything to society will grow up with an inherited and false sense of superiority.  White children never have to wait until the one night of the week when the “white shows” are on, they never have to wait for the white movie to come out.  They have access to centuries of images of themselves that show them in a positive and healthy light.  So while Blacks have inherited and passed down a slave mentality (even though we don’t acknowledge or admit it) whites have passed down a slave master mentality. 

    Slave master mentality is the mindset of white people who have never once had to question that people like them have been the masters of finance, industry, medicine and the arts.  Slave master mentality is the mindset of people who have never once in their lives felt that their skin color was a liability, something that they had to denounce in order to be accepted.  Slave master mentality is the belief systems passed down from generation to generation that allows white people to accept that the final authority, the last word, the law from on high is going to come from a person who looks like them.  It’s that diseased sense of self, that inflated super ego that has created Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly, Sarah Palin and George W. Bush.   It’s what lead Pat Buchanan to say, and moreover BELIEVE, that this country was built by white men. It’s that isolation from a world where people of color are equal, that inocular vision which creates the ego of white people who think that it’s okay to be racist, that they can say whatever they want, to whomever they want, without repercussion, without censure because they have a birthright to do so.  The fallacy of white supremacy is perpetuated on the beliefs of white men who think that they have more right to money, power, and control than anyone else. 

    While I recognize and acknowledge that the pervasive and overwhelming mindset of white people in this society, EVEN those who claim to not have a racist bone in their body, is based on the fallacy of white supremacy, it is just that . . . a fallacy.  White people are not truly superior, they have no super ability to understand the minds of people of color and mastermind techniques to keep us oppressed.  What keeps us oppressed is our inability to understand and comprehend our history, our inability to be introspective and examine our dysfunctions and their origins, and our fear of admitting that we might be flawed (through no fault of our own mind you).  It is far easier for us to worship a blonde haired, blue eyed Jesus than to change the belief that we’ve learned from childhood, passed down to us from our parents, and their parents and their parents before them that black is ugly and bad.  What keeps them in power is their belief that they are superior.  They believe it so they behave in ways that reflect their beliefs.  They start wars, they dictate and manipulate, they work diligently to keep people of color from taking their power or from becoming equal because what’s been taught to them by their parents, what their great grandparents taught their grandparents is that white people have more value.  Even if the message isn’t overt, even if the message doesn’t come from behind the percale softness of a poly-cotton white sheet, the result is the same.  Any white child born in this society has been the beneficiary of an educational, medical, judicial, legal, and social system that has placed whiteness on a pedestal, as an entity deserving of worship and praise.  When white people try to silence any discussion of racism, it’s because they believe that they have a right to say what’s valid, what’s true, what’s right in the world, that no other experience other than their own has weight.   They see the world through white colored glasses.  In that world, everything comes back to the fact that they have been validated, reinforced, and reminded every single solitary day of their lives that white people are great.  They’ve never once had to live in a time or place where white people are not seen as the origin of everything good in the world.

    So in order for white people, the few elites who do have global power and control, to remain in power, for them to maintain the status quo, people of color have to be complicit in their agenda.  There has to be a population of Black people who believe that there are white men who possess super-human, secret Echelon infrastructure powers to control and dominate people of color.  Once we accept that the fallacy of white supremacy is based on nothing more than the narcissistic, self-centered and childlike behaviors of men with inflated egos who have the same flaws, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities as everyone else, then and only then can we start restructuring a world where everyone is equal.  Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney can no longer be secret society masterminds but they are little boys who were told over and over that the Lone Ranger was good and that the injuns were bad.  They cease to be keepers of keys to sacred texts that were created in ancient times to mesmerize the people of color around the globe to goose step to their tune of supremacy.  It is in truth and understanding that we see them as individuals who were told that God was a white man and that they were literally created in his image and likeness.  Left unchecked, the ego can be a dangerous tool.  Understanding that illusion is the key to our liberation.  The fallacy of white supremacy can be dismantled and destroyed with knowledge of self, re-writing our stories to include people of color, and dismantling the notion that white men are somehow in possession of tools that will allow them to control us.  Every human being has the ability within them to crush the inflated ego of self and shine the light of truth, justice, and peace on the shadows of injustice that have plagued the world. 

    Copyright 2009 Scottie Lowe of AfroerotiK


  • Date / Time:

    50/50

     

    It is my opinion that we don’t even question the things we are told make a good relationship.  Supposedly, a good relationship should be 50/50, meaning that each partner puts in an equal amount of energy into the relationship.  Instead of us saying that relationships should be 50/50, we need to start focusing on relationships being balanced.  

     

    In any relationship, there are going to be times when one partner is going to have to focus on career or personal goals and not be able to give as much time and attention to their partner.  Their partner should then step up to the plate and balance out the equation.  If one spouse can only give 20% then the other is going to have to pick up the slack and give 80%.  But the scales of balance must always swing both ways.  If one partner gets very sick, the other partner has to give their 100% and then some in order to keep the relationship alive and well. 

     

    The problem in most relationships is not that one person loves one person more than the other.  The problem in most relationships is that people love themselves more than they love their partner.  They want their partner to give, to provide, to do all the work so that they can feel all the warm fuzzy feelings inside but they don’t want to have to lift a finger to make their partner feel warm and fuzzy.  We get into relationships because in the beginning we put our best foot forward, we romance and show the other person all these great things about us.  Then, when we get the commitment, we want to sit back and let the other person make us feel good without doing anything to make them feel good.  No relationship can survive if both parties are expecting their partner to meet their every need without giving anything in return.

     

    In this Christian, patriarchal society, men are socialized to expect women to wait on them hand and foot.  They believe that women are supposed to cater to their every whim, fantasy, and desire and just be happy to be in a relationship, that is their only reward.  They want feelings of love but they don’t want to do any work, they don’t want to sacrifice anything in order to make their spouse happy.  How many times have you heard a Black man beating his chest and saying, “I wish it was like in the old days when women made men king of his castle.”  That means, “I wish it was like back in the old days when a man didn’t have to do anything and women shouldered 100% of the burden for a relationship and didn’t complain.” 

     

    The other quintessential problem with relationships is that so many people are dysfunctional, so few people know what a healthy relationship looks like, it’s impossible to form one without any knowledge of HOW to be balanced in a relationship.  You can’t know how to be there for your spouse if you’ve never seen a spouse take up the slack for their partner.  You can’t know how to seduce (in a healthy manner, not some sort of manipulation) your partner and make them feel special if the closest thing you’ve seen to a relationship is your mother’s string of boyfriends that only stick around three weeks at a time. 

     

    50/50 is not even something we should be striving for.  We should be striving to give 100% percent of ourselves to a partner who is committed to giving 100% of themselves in return. 

  • Date / Time:

    Swim in my Soul

     

    I want to be so possessed by a man that I don't know where he begins and where I end.  I want my heart to belong to a man so completely, so intimately, that I feel every breath he takes, as my own.  I want to be in love.  A love that transcends definition.  I want my man to love me so completely that I couldn't imagine not fulfilling his wildest fantasy.  I want to communicate with him nonverbally, with my eyes, my hands, my soul.  I want a man to penetrate me and look deep in my eyes and know that my body is a precious gift to him, and only him.  I want to do every erotic, sensual thing my mind can conceive of and know that ultimately it is an act of making love. 

     

    I want to taste my man's tears while he is deep inside me.  I want him to know that he is protected and safe and I won't let anything or anybody hurt him.  I want my man to know that only he and I can share such intimacy and know that there is no reason to look elsewhere for either one of us.  I want to feel electricity and sparks every time I see his face, look in his eyes.  I want to kiss for hours, losing track of time and not even giving a damn.  I want him to be late for work every damn day cause we can't bear the thought of starting the day off without connecting.  I want “him,” the man who was created for me, who I was created for. 

  • Date / Time:

    Slave Hair

    I remember when I had slave hair.  I call it slave hair because not only is it the hair that slaves where told was more beautiful than their own, natural, nappy hair, but I was also enslaved to it.  I couldn't go outside when it was raining, I couldn't go swimming, I couldn't have sex with a man right after I got it done, I couldn't scratch my scalp right before I was going to get my six week reapplication of deadly chemicals, I had to live my life around making sure my naps didn't show.  

    I had all the arguments against relaxed hair PERFECTED.  I would argue with any woman who suggested that my straight hair was anything other than a mere styling option.  I convinced myself that I was right and that any woman that even suggested that relaxed hair was some sort of Eurocentric standard of beauty was insane.  

    I was the same as all the women who rationalize their self-hatred, who condemn me, and who defend their slave hair.   

    Then, I evolved.  I grew.  I got strong.  I put aside the memories of my grandmother telling me that nappy hair was ugly.  I rejected the comments, jokes, and taunts of little boys telling me that my natural hair wasn't pretty like white girls.  At the time, I was becoming more spiritually aware, I stopped eating meat, I was becoming healthier all around.  I was still holding on to my slave hair.  I was terrified that if I let go of my slave hair, that I'd be ugly.  I was horrified that if I let go of my slave hair, that I'd never get a job, I'd never get a man, that the world would look at me as something less than human and certainly not beautiful.  Then one day, I woke up and I realized that history is prologue.  I accepted that my natural, nappy hair was my birthright, that I could be beautiful with the hair that God intended me to have, without chemicals, without the messages that every little Black girl gets beaten into them that tells her to be ashamed of her natural hair.  It was only then that I became liberated from my slave hair.  It was only then that I became free.  

  • Date / Time:

    Introspective Questions



    The Internet has dumbed people down.  Society in general fosters emotionally immature behavior.  Here is your opportunity to really think about your life, your loves, your passions and reflect on your feelings.  The challenge is not to give the briefest answers, you don't even have to answer them all at one time, but look at this as an opportunity to really grow.  

    Brought to you by AfroerotiK


    1.    What was the most damaging event in your life that gave you a negative self-image?

    2.    What patterns from your parents have shown up in your adult relationships?

    3.    What is one personality flaw you wish you could completely erase from your life?

    4.    I feel very insecure when . . .

    5.    I feel profound joy when . . .

    6.    My mission in life is . . .

    7.    My most memorable love-making experience was . . .

    8.    How have your belief systems, practices and behaviors evolved from your parents?

    9.    What’s the most important thing you want your children to know about you after you’re dead?

    10.    What talent or ability do you possess that makes you different from your peers?

    11.    How are you different from the person you were 20 years ago?

    12.    Define what intimacy means to you.

    13.    What movie had the most impact on how you see the world?

    14.    You have the opportunity to go back in time and apologize to someone you hurt.  What would you say?

    15.    If your ideal, dream life is a 10, how would you rate your life TODAY in   comparison?

    16.    What song or recording artist moves you emotionally?

    17.    If you could make love to one person, one time only, who would it be?

    18.    What did you do wrong in your most significant relationship?

    19.    Do you regret giving your virginity to the person you did?

    20.    Describe yourself in 5 words.  

  • Date / Time:

    We Must Excel, Not Just Exist

    We Must Excel, Not Just Exist

    We, as descendants of slaves, as people of color, MUST strive for excellence in all that we do.  We must live according to principles of excellence in our daily lives, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  Living in alignment with excellence means making a conscious choice to do what’s right over what’s easy, what’s comfortable, or what’s familiar.  In lieu of spending hours gossiping on the phone or endless hours on the computer in the pursuit of meaningless sex, we must examine our selves, our lives, and look to grow, mature, and evolve. 

    I challenge you to stop thinking of yourself as better just because you go to church every Sunday, dressed in your overpriced fineries to show off to the congregation, when you step over the homeless on Monday without so much as an ounce of compassion or love in your heart for those who need a helping hand.  We must stop trying to get over on the system, trying to figure out the easy way to get something for nothing, and rather make the choice to have integrity, to do what’s right for the community, not just yourself.  It’s time now to consider the ramifications and consequences of our actions and stop living for the moment or the almighty dollar.  If we consider the feelings of others, if everyone considers the feelings of others, we can transform ourselves from a selfish, insensitive, immature community to a compassionate, giving, enlightened family.  Find a reason to see the good in someone, to reach out to another because you connect on a deeper level, not just because you think they have something to offer you, or because you want to feel insecure and petty jealousy. 

    Speak truth to power.  Hold your tongue when you feel the urge, the driving and compulsive need to lie, and utter only those words that are true.  Embrace honesty with your entire being and reprogram your brain from your conditioning that tells you to create stories and deceptions that make you feel better about yourself and learn to be honest and truthful with yourself so that you might be able to be honest and truthful with others.

    We must accept our greatness, our royalty, and our divinity with humility, grace, and modesty.  Would a Queen exchange her body for a car payment or money to get a new pair of shoes?  Would a King create a prince or princess only to leave them unprotected and un-nurtured?  Would a true manifestation of the Divine be more concerned with a car, clothes, or plasma TV than in helping those less fortunate? 

    Ask yourself, are you living a life of excellence or do you merely exist?  Are you striving to become a better person every day?  Are you actually trying to become a better person: not richer, not more attractive, not get more stuff, not sleep with more women, not use more men, not cheat the system, not beat the man.  Are you striving to dispel the myths and combat the stereotypes?  Are you daily striving to learn more, to push yourself further, to excel in all you do? 

    Pick up a book, go back to college, take a night class, use the Internet to learn out our history instead of just wasting your life away. 


    Copyright 2008 AfroerotiK All Rights Reserved


  • Date / Time:

    I’ve OFFICIALLY Given Up!

    I’ve OFFICIALLY Given Up!

     

    It’s official; I’ve finally given up all my dreams, hopes, and aspirations of ever finding love.  More than that, I’ve given up all hope of finding even companionship.  I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m going to be alone forever.  I can put to rest my dreams of finding my perfect mate.  I can mourn my dreams of “happily ever after” because they are an impossible state of being for me, I’m unworthy of being loved in this lifetime. 

     

    Don’t feel sorry for me; it’s liberating.  For years, I’ve been holding on the to hope that I can find someone for me, someone with whom I can share my life, who compliments me, who meets my criteria emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, socially, and sexually.  Now, I can relax and not have to feel frustrated and anxious about trying to meet someone, impress them, trying to get them to like me, only to have them reject me.  Now that I’ve come to accept that my life will be lived in solitude, I can just not give a damn anymore.

     

    Gone are the days when I jump through hoops, giving brothas the benefit of the doubt because they are emotionally stunted.  Goodbye forever to those days of trying to make the best of a situation that is flawed from the start just so I can have companionship.  Never again will I have to suffer through the pain of white men trying to convince me that we can have some sort of unequal and warped relationship based on their attraction to me and my repulsion of them.  And thank God in Heaven I will never again have to look myself in the mirror and ask myself why am I not lovable. 

     

    For all the scores of people who think they can comfort me with empty clichés of, “Now that you aren’t looking, you’ll find him,” I say to you . . . KISS MY ASS.  I’ve been alone for 17 years.  I’ve worked on myself, I’ve looked, I’ve not looked, I’ve prayed, I’ve done everything a human being can do.  I’m not meant to be in a relationship.  It’s my lot in life.  Accepting that has been the healthiest thing I can do.  At least now, I don’t have to hold on to the pain of thinking that there is someone out there who will love me.  Now I know that there isn’t and I can move on with my life.  There’s not much of a life without having someone by your side, but apparently, this is my sentence for a crime I don’t even know I committed. 

     

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