Da Lamont Carey Show  

Is it true that men learned how to love through the women that they're raised by and with?

Yes, this is one of the influences...Some mothers raised they're children, sons imparticularly, to love themselves FIRST and to treat people with respect...especially women...My mother used to let my brothers know that girls and women are delicate beings that need to be loved and respected. She would tell them to treat they're girls and/or their wives like they would treat their mother and sisters. This is all fine and good. Every parent should teach their children this principle, however, what happens if the mother says and teaches all this but lives a loose life or a life that contradicts what they're teaching. What happens if mama has Mr. Monday, Mr. Tuesday, Mr. Wednesday, Uncle Thursday, and Uncle Friday comin' through every week "doin' their thing" with mama and the child(ren) witnesses it? Does that have an impact on a child? OF COURSE IT DOES!!! That son is seeing that his mama has a greater turn-around perentage than a fast food restaurant. He also see his mama not respecting herself so why should he respect other women if they don't respect themselves? Why should he be committed to one woman when he's not sure if she's gonna be faithful cause he remembers mama wasn't faithful to her guys? Yes, mama, you jackin' your son up....

Another influence that causes men not to love as easily as women are the relationships that they enter into throughout their lives...I must admit...We women can jack a dude up with our mess and issues. C'mon now...if you're not in denial, ya know I'm telling the truth. As we've learned in this show, we can be demanding, insecure, unfaithful, game-players, irrational, Dr. Jeckle and Mrs. Hyde with our multiple personalities and frequent mood swings.....JUST PLAIN CRAZY...and we expect dudes to stick with us through thick and thin and act like we don't know what happened when they've taken enough and leave. Am I right? I know I am. How we gon' demand something of a man when we ain't doin' the very things that we're demanding he do for us? Man, please....If I was a dude, I would leave, too. If a man has to deal with these issues relationship in and relationship out...excuse my french but...HELL YEAH HE GON' HAVE LOVE ISSUES!!!! You trippin' if you think he gon' be fine after having to go through all that. This man is scorned and scarred because of you and now the next woman gotta undo what you did. Is that fair? NO, IT'S NOT, cause she didn't do it to him. She KNOWS how to love him, she KNOWS how to respect him, she KNOWS not to question his manhood or even try to strip it away from him, she KNOWS not to nag him until his head is spinnin'...she KNOWS all of this. But, yet, instead of just focusing on making her man happy and he making her happy and them enjoying each other...DRAMA FREE...now she gotta cut through the years of hurt, years of deceit, years of wounds and scars to get to his heart and to reveal the loving man that he truly is. That's not cool ladies....not cool.

My bottom line is stop the game-playin', man....Men and Women (cause, TRUST, it goes both ways). Love and love genuinely. Stop trying to get unrealistic things out of your relationships or rushing your significant other to get the point that you want them to be at without allowing them the time to get there at THEIR OWN pace. Support each other...Encourage each other...Be real with it other...Communicate with each other...about everything. And, although, we all have gone through quite a bit when we were raised and in our past relationships, we can choose to let it go. We can choose not to bring the foolishness from the last relationship into the next one. We have a choice. Don't let foolish people keep you bound to where it's almost impossible for you to move forward and be happy the way that you deserve to be happy. Let sleeping dogs lie...what happened, happened...it's done...let it go. Life is a learning experience, y'all. We are gonna go through things. People are gonna misuse and abuse us. It's part of life. But, where me lose it is when we don't learn from them and remain in that victimized frame of mind. Life is too short to let someone who's probably not even here anymore keep the power over us and let what they did to us keep us from living our lives and living it to the fullest. Let it go...

Until next time...Be good and Good to each other

Mz. B

Should our kids be disciplined? Should they be yelled at? Should they be physically reprimanded?

AABBSSSOOLLLUUTTTEEELLLYYYY!!!!!!!!

Every since the beginning of time, kids would try to do things that they thought they would get away with...and they probably thought they DID get away with it. But once mom and dad found out, they reaped the consequences of their behavior. Discipline is needed.  In my opinion, it's needed because, when they do things wrong, if you don't beat them today, they will "beat" you later on in life. Maybe not physically (unless they're the Menendez boys) but in the way that they live their life. A life full of disappointments and shame as a result of having no discipline as a child.  The fact is, nowadays, some parents are scared of their kids. Some kids today are pulling guns out on their parents, disrespecting them, hitting them, cussing them out...all types of insanities. Now, I know kids are gonna be kids but, c'mon now...there is NO WAY I'm gonna let my child go off on a tangent like that and I not drop them where they stand. NO WAY!! My parents used to tell me, "If you're gonna rise up at me, I will rise up with you. If you're gonna show out and act a fool in the public, I'm gonna show out and act a fool with you." That's how it was with me. I got away with some things, as all kids do, but you better believe what discipline I did get, it was WELL deserved. Now, Lamont and I had some callers and here's what they had to say:

Alize (Chicago, IL) said that times have changed since she was younger. The way the children today are raised completely differs from how she was raised. They believed in the neighbor beating ya, the teacher beating ya, the school bus driver beating ya, and they all would tell mama and she would beat ya...and when your daddy comes home, he'd beat ya, too. And, it's clear that she carried those very traits into her parenting. She really lived the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child".  

Indiana #1 said that once you take your hands off of your children, that household would be out of control. Meaning, the children will be telling the parents what they were gonna do instead of the other way around. She also stated that there is a time for everything when it comes to disciplining. Every incident may not call for physical reprimand. Some things may warrant a conversation. Others, a yell or a scolding. But, there are those times where you just have "lay them out".

Now, Jersey was the merciful mother of the bunch. She stated that, when the belt doesn't help that child, it could possibly be something more at stake such as something mentally going wrong with the child and parents wont know this if their first option for solving the problem of bad behavior is grabbing "the rod of correction".

Indiana #2 went philosophical on us...but he made a good point in saying you have to learn the personality of the child in order to learn how to deal with that child when it comes to discipline. One child may need to be beat everyday, all day but another child may only need a stern look and they will straighten right up. He also voiced that, without the proper structure of a family and home (a father, a mother, and children), that child will not grow up with all that they would need and would grow up with problems. I disagreed with that point for several reasons; In a realistic world, most homes don't have both the father and the mother but whichever parent is there, they provide everything for that child and that child comes out perfectly fine. Now I understand and respect the whole family structure thing and I'm sure if alot of these parents had a choice they would probably choose the family structure as oppose to raising kids by themselves, however, I was raised in a single parent home and my mother did what she had to AND SOME to ensure that my brother and I grew up with the right morals, the right understandings, the right heart, everything...and when we got older, it was up to us on whether we would keep those impartations or not. But, even if we decided to choose the wrong way of living, we can't blame her for our mess ups. There are some adults that were raised having both parents in the home and still turn up worst as ever so, to me, having both parents doesn't necessarily mean you're raised properly. But, who am I? I'm only someone who lived it but, who cares, right?

I wanna give it up to ALL of the single parents who did and are still doing what they have to do when comes to raising, disciplining, nurturing, and loving their children. Despite what you're dealing with, you are still holding it down for your children and that is worth a salute...WE LOVE YOU!!! Because, without your diligence and faithfulness to us, we would not be here. The same goes out to the fully structured families who are taking care of your business when it comes to the children. Keep it up. We appreciate you as well.

Bottom line is, to discipline your child is to love your child. It's teaching them and preparing them for their young adult lives which leads into their adult lives. But, if you're gonna discipline, make sure that there's a balance. Make sure that you're not just beating them just to beat them or because you're frustrated or because of some other outside influence. This would be considered abuse. Also, if the parent is a drug abuser or whatever the case and decides to blacken a childs eye or ram their head into a wall...THAT'S ABUSE and you really need to check yourself because that child is not your problem...YOU'RE YOUR PROBLEM. Also, it helps to deal with issues as they arise. This way, you're not holding on to anything until you eventually explode and the child is on the receiving end of it. It's not fair to the child. Discipline is suppose to teach a lesson and make that child understand that what they did was wrong and it should make them not wanna be in that position again and in order for this to happen, that parent MUST have a relationship with that child. There must be a bond there to where the child understands you and understands that you are disciplining because you love them and that you're molding them into the best person that they can possibly be with integrity, with balance, with love, with support, and, most of all, with character.

Until next time...Be good and good to each other,

Mz. B