Welcome to Angee's Poetry place  

“INSPIRED”

It took a lot

To get me here

I was so frightened

I lived in fear.

A little muse

He came to me

With a few choice words

I was set free.

Free to be here

Free to pursue

Free to be vibrant

And be myself with you.

As I struggled to find

My inner being

Real humble beauty emerged

The truth of me I’m finally seeing.

I feel the love

I feel the heat

Clap your hands

Stomp your feet.

We love our art

We’re not shy, not coy

We come together

To share the joy.

I heard the words

I felt the need

Tonight we were blessed

God’s children destined for success.

A prayer answered

Not a word went unheard

To all the other haters

I’ll flip just you the bird.

Tonight I heard things that inspired

I truly believe that I felt his touch

Compelled to write this

I thank God so much.

For all that he gives to me

I give it right back

My praise forms in words

They keep me focused and on track.

So when you see me put pen to paper

I hope you don’t mind

I’m following my destiny

I’m not being rude or unkind.

Positive thinking to aiming higher

Being what God meant to me

I’m ignoring the negative

Preferring to nurture the positive, in my creativity.

I’m being inspired

I’m catching a ride

I’m just feeling the flow

I’m flowing with the vibe.

I’m listening, I’m learning

God’s seeing my soul

But it’s only together

That I reach my goal.

No more back biting

No more stinging remarks

We’ve got to support each other

It’s together that we’ll create sparks.

Thoughts turn to action

Like flint and wood

Creating a literary fire

I’m doing what I only dreamt I could.

Just when I feel like I’m losing the rhyme

I look around, reminisce, remember

I slow it down

I take my time.

Quick, give me a sheet

A quill and some ink

Old school I know but what I come up with

Might make you think.

I stop, I think

I write it down again

My goodness why didn’t I think of that

Why when it was so plain.

I take what I feel and see

I show you through my eyes

It might take one

But more like two or three tries.

I won’t be in the crowd

Looking sad, feeling terse

I’ll be the one up on the stage you see

Giving you a taste of my verse.

Though I can’t sing in tune

Or freestyle a rhyme

I hope my words however delivered

Touch you every time.

Leaving you feeling hopeful

Bringing a smile to your face

Making you feel all warm and cosy

Welcoming you into Angee’s space

Now you go out and spread the word

Help someone else aspire

I thank you for reading and hearing this

Now that I’ve shared with you, I hope you’ll be… INSPIRED.

© 2^nd August 2007 Written Angee Edgar All rights Reserved.

“I Know Where”

“I’m not doing well at school

But I know where my knife is

I don’t care where my workbooks are

But I know where to buy a gun

I don’t want to cook or wash dishes

But I know where to score a draw

I didn’t know I could take a life

Until at my feet someone lies dead on the floor.”

Mum sits at the dining table

Worried and wringing her hands and thinking

“What has happened to my child?”

This isn’t how I brought them up to be

The rudeness, the lack of care and disrespect

I can’t blame their father who’s not even here

If he was, it would make no difference I expect.

It’s midnight and my child is not even home yet

Today he wasn’t even at school

He no longer thinks homework is important

He no longer thinks education is something cool

Instead all he wants is to run on the streets

He wants to act like he’s mean with his mates

When I tell him to do something like clean

All he replies is ‘Yeah… whatever Ma… seen!’

I think, yes solutions can be suggested and plans probably implemented…

But really identifying the root cause of the problem isn’t so easy

Then the phone rings, stops was it the cops calling

To say my son’s dead?… I feel suddenly sick and queasy

I’m at my wits end I don’t know what to do

I’m sure there are other families out there

Who are experiencing the same problems too.

Then I hear keys in the door,

It’s quarter to two in the morning

In comes my son, I grab him, shake him

Shout “Where have you been?!!!”

He says “I’m okay.. it’s not mine…”

And he’s covered in blood… but whose blood?

He falls into my arms shell shocked, pale as a sheet,

His words they stumble, then out come his tears in a flood.

“Mum, we were outside a party, just standing around chilling

This car drove by… they shouted at us…

Shot at us… they missed

Some of us chased them down in another car…

We caught them when their ride stalled… Then came the fighting…

He’s dead Ma… my friend, my blud! Then the screaming…

I stabbed one of them… I think I killed him too…!”

Quietly he asked me, “Mum, am I dreaming?”

This is my waking nightmare

Every time I visit my son at Her Majesty’s Pleasure

When I come home and sit where I sat five years ago

I re-live it like it’s happening right now

The rollercoaster of emotions that rise up and down in me

The sense of guilt and helplessness I feel

Is beyond expression

I wouldn’t want anyone else to go through

What I’ve been through… go through

What my son has to go through behind bars

To share this is my message and my warning

To stop other teens walking my son’s path

Everyone should know guns and knives don’t kill people

But they need to acknowledge the fact

That their wielders do… other people…

Other children… do take lives

Over stupid insignificant spur of the moment crap

Like treading on territorial toes 

Or acting on gossip that someone else

Told someone supposedly in the know.

But the thing that stays with me the most

Wrenching my soul and ripping my heart apart

Is having to leave him in that place until he’s as old as me

Hearing the clang as doors shut behind me

His eyes red, filled with tears and his voice echoing… broken…

“Mum, I’m so sorry, I should have listened….”

© 28^th January 2008 Written by Angela Edgar All Rights Reserved

No unauthorised reproduction in any form or format without prior permission of the author.

Visit www.madjockpublishers.com/Inspired-   (please include the - at the end of the address) to order your copy of INSPIRED £7.99 Uk and £9.99 Overseas with free P&P/S&H

After months of writing, poem selection, editing, planning… tonight was going to be the night all my hard work would come together and I would share the fruition of my labour in the form of… INSPIRED,  my first book of poetry and to make it all the more worthwhile the joint opening  night of a new fortnightly spoken word event for West London that I would be co-hosting with Mz Blu of Hot96.3 FM (www.hot96.co.uk) called I:Poet  ( the features) and OD:Poetic  ( the Open Mic).

The 3 weeks before, had me so busy at work and even busier in the evening. Editing INSPIRED,  getting  it to my publisher Mad Jock on time, promoting the event, looking for features, getting together the track-listing for the CD's we'd be giving away, printing labels, burning CD's and sorting the prizes out with Mz Blu. I was completely exhausted and surviving on about 3hrs sleep a night but I kept it moving. I kept focused, kept motivated and stayed positive because there was no-one else that would make it happen apart from us.

Sunday saw the check of the venue, dressing it; putting up balloons, organising the layout of the chairs and tables, the sound and mic check by the DJ. The balloons and streamers were the most labour intensive things and all of us who went had cut cuticles – isn't there an easier way to knot a balloon? It turned out to be a bit of a late one as we finished off by about 11pm. I came home and sorted out my last bits and pieces; burned off a few more CD's, made a few more hand-made calendars cards, laminated some more bookmarks featuring my poetry to sell, taking on the love theme of Valentines. I retired to bed around 3am and surprisingly had a restful sleep for that short a time.

The morning started at around 6.00am for me. I'd booked the day off work because there was no way I'd be able to fit everything I needed to do in an afternoon. I had to drive to Ipswich to collect the book. You can't have a book launch without the books can you?  I'd never been there before and don't own a sat nav device yet so it was mapquest all the way for me! I picked a few cd's I'd bought recently and hadn't yet heard and popped them in the player and so started my journey, jumping on the A406 then picking up the A12 all the way there. It really was a pretty straightforward drive that enabled me to let my mind wander and focus. The only bad thing about the trip was the fog that came out of nowhere  most of the A12 and the idiots still trying to do about 90 miles an hour on curves and bends with about 60 metre visibility.

Nothing can describe the feeling I had when I held my book in my hand for the first time, a tear came to my eye which I held back until I sat in the car to go home. I felt such a sense of pride and accomplishment in that I had set out to do what I said I would because normally I start many things and never finish them so this time was going to be a lot different.

As I sat I remembered that it was almost a year ago I had stepped on stage for the first time at a slam. I didn't win, I haven't yet won any but somehow I don't think it really matters anymore, but I've been features in other showcases. I had my whole world turned upside down months before that, my brother dying suddenly, and being made redundant from my job, not knowing what I would end up doing, Trying to come out of my industry but somehow ending back in a different part of it and thoroughly enjoying it. I used that time constructively when I decided to write the book and the encouragement I received from all around me kept me going when I thought it wouldn't be possible. Someone telling me that a poem I wrote really touched them, like I had written it just for them. Perhaps that was true. I write what comes to my mind or my heart. I put pen to paper and sometimes it flows straight away and sometimes I really have to work at it. Sometimes I feel I am just a conduit for a higher power. But really I see my self as just an ordinary humble girl trying to do something a little different than the rest.

On the drive back and it was completely different, the sun was shining and I could see the fields and the flora and fauna. I got home and relaxed a little. Perhaps a little too much (lol) because then it was crunch time, I was running a little later than expected, organising my family who at the last minute decided to all wear t-shirts with the book cover on it, I had family over from the USA who also joined in too. I tried not to get stressed but keep the calm focus I had accumulated on the trip back. Hoping everything was going to be alright, we'd had no indication of numbers so didn't know how many people would show up. Not knowing what to expect from the night, but somehow deep down I knew that things would work out just the way they were supposed to and I shouldn't really worry, but of course it's natural that you would do.

Reaching the venue a little later than I wanted to, it was a bit of a mad scramble to get things ready, but friends and family the helpful lot they are brought it together like putting up posters and fixing balloons in place.  The two other features were of great assistance too. It was the first time I'd met them in person, but we'd had many emails and telephone conversations prior, so it felt like we were old friends straight away. With everything sorted (just about!) the night got going with the arrival of DJ Bully B to whom I have to give credit to as he did a fabulous job the whole night through, setting up the right vibe.

Mz Blu & I mingled and waited until there were enough people in the place. We even had a few people who'd heard the radio advert a good friend had done for us to promote the night and decided to pop down and see what was what.  We had a little meet with the other poets who'd also be performing and then it was time for the showdown.

I was hyped, calm and nervous all at the same time. I couldn't believe that little old me was about to jump on the mic and start the event off with Mz Blu, one we'd only just decided to do at the start of the year. The lights were dimmed and we spoke. I can't really remember what I said exactly, but Mz Blu & I introduced ourselves, explained our hopes for the night and me for my book then I kicked off with 'A Love Session remixed', followed by 'I Do Not Fear', 'Inspired' and Mama's Kitchen' which seemed to be a firm favourite. After that I introduced James Famous a young poet who had written a response 'It's Like This' to one of my poems 'What's it Like'  which we performed at the end of his set and which I decided to include in "INSPIRED".  He had people captivated and appreciating his pieces and had a very warm response.

We had an intermission as people sampled the amazing array of cocktails and desserts Flirtease have to offer (so a big thank you to Natasha & Ali Bandali for having the trust and belief in us to allow WE:Poet to hold our event there and hopefully the first of many to come). Mz Blu took the lead for the second half and introduced Future Poet, an amazing talented poet who hadn't performed in 6 years, but has been writing in that time. I was so glad she decided she wanted to read a few pieces as she was so very nervous and I greatly admire her work. Once she had the mic in hand you would never have been able to tell. My favourite of her pieces 'Getting It Back' went down really well with everyone and again she too had a very warm reception.

We had late comer Ra Naz E, who travelled all the way straight from football practice in East London to perform. Word is bond as they say and he'd promised me ages ago that he would come no matter what and do a set even if he was a little later than expected. But as far as I was concerned – right on time. It's unusual to hear male poets going on about love and relationships but Ra Naz E has his own unique take on the subject and everyone was enraptured. As he finished Mz Blu took back the mic and did her own little piece on love that she'd written that week. I came up to join her and we read the poem that we'd written together that week called  'I, Me, We' that described what we as 'WE:Poet' are all about.

Then came the finale – the prize draw. On entry, every one was given a strip of 5 raffle tickets which would go into a draw. 1^st prize was a bottle of champs, chocs, a copy of my book, 3 cd's (my music selection, Mz Blu's and DJ Bully B's) and a mystic ball, 2^nd and 3^rd prizes were mini bottles of wine, 3 cd's, chocs and mystic balls, we had a 4^th prize a writing kit (pens, letter opener, ruler etc in a lovely case), a mini bottle of cava, 3 cd's and another mystic ball. We also gave our 3 performers a surprise gift (cava & 3 cd's) DJ Bully B has yet to be sorted but he will be with something special. We still had loads of cd's to give away and so proceeded to pick more winners from the raffle. As time ticked on we just decided to give anyone there who hadn't won anything yet a cd. So everyone ended up taking home a little reminder of the night. We thanked everyone for coming and sharing this night with us, admitted that half the people there were my family but that the other half we now considered family too and that everyone would always be welcome because we wanted this event to feel like you were at home with family, that anyone could grab the mic, share their work and not feel intimidated in anyway and that it would be an atmosphere conducive to creativity and inspiration.

With all said and done, soft music playing in the background, I went to the little table near the bar, set up to promote INSPIRED and I had my little book signing ceremony until the night reached its conclusion. It was in a way a little sad to see my books some of them signed floating off into the ether but I knew they would be going to good homes. To people who were my friends or family and simply those who appreciated the written art form of poetry. So I was very surprised at the end to realise I had sold all the 29 books I'd collected that morning.

Family and friends helped clear everything up, took down balloons and posters, someone dimmed the lights where we were downstairs until it was just Mz Blu & I in the silence. In the shadows we looked around and then looked at each other, smiled, hugged and said at the same time – 'This event was a success!'. There was no trouble (not that I expected any from the people that attend these things), it was truly a blessed and positive atmosphere where everyone said they had a really good time which included us. That we have to do it again is a must, to find and showcase the talent we know is out there and hope more people will be able to attend the next time. Events like this only work when we have the support and regular attendance. People couldn't make it for various reasons but being honest they did miss the start of something special, but WE:Poet hope this something special will be one that will continue to be repeated every other Monday starting 25^th Feb 2008 and continue to grow. 

As a note, one of my very good friends admitted to me that she used to write too, didn't want to tell me for fear of jumping on the poetry bandwagon. But I say the more the merrier – because there's space for everyone and I will encourage her to no end and she felt because of me was inspired to write again. This week alone she has written nearly 10 poems – all brilliant and heartfelt as far as I'm concerned so you heard it here first watch out for Queen Parky… book coming soon!

So in conclusion for me, if one person is doing something they never thought possible before because INSPIRED now exists, then I think I've done something right, wouldn't you agree?

Visit my publisher and order your copy of INSPIRED with free postage and packaging for UK and overseas (be sure to include the - at the end of the web address, it is part of it)

www.madjockpublishers.com/Inspired- 

or visit Amazon (only they don't offer Free P&P/S&H or personally autographed copies!)

Angela Edgar, also know as Angee … an Inspiring New Poet, has had a love of writing since her days as a young teenager. With a diverse working history spanning Retail, Video Production, finally forging a Contact Centre career in Market Research, a writing hiatus of 6 years ensued which ended in 2006.

Taking up writing all over again, Angee put pen to paper, discovering she had a talent as if it were the dawn of a new day. Poetry came thick and fast, and with this new found confidence, followed a tentative leap into the arena of Spoken Word performances.

Job cuts in 2007, gave her the freedom, time and inspiration to tackle a previously unfulfilled dream – that of writing a book. Motivated by wanting to share her previously unheard words on paper and in person, Angee realised that her poetry was inspiring to others and resonating deeply with people.

Cultivating an online following of readers, a few of whom actively encouraged her to pursue this dream and loyally supported her growth on this developmental journey, the reality of being eventually approached by a publisher (in this case Mad Jock of Liverpool) therefore seemed inevitable.

Her publisher Rols Sperling describes one of her poems ‘Intimacy of a Kiss’ as “Very beautiful and surprisingly understated. You have an ability to throw in a line of sheer exquisiteness without even so much as a trumpet fanfare.”

Not defined by writing in one genre or style, Angee tackles any and everything that comes to her mind or her heart, sharing her experiences and observations of daily life and fantasy in her own unique style which has resulted in her first collection of poetry called INSPIRED to be published in 2007.

Contact details: 

Email: poetry@angee.co.uk

Web: http://www.angee.co.uk

Address: PO BOX 877, Harrow, HA3 8GH. UK

This poem was written and debuted today on Wisdom Supreme's show (www.blogtalkradio.com/agsupreme) and I'm pleased to announce it will be featured in my forthcoming book of poetry entitled 'INSPIRED' which is to be published by www.madjockpublishers.com before the end of the year.

Thanks to Wisdom for the opportunity he gave us poets by putting together this showcase. I was nervous as hell but I throughly enjoyed the experience and would love to do another.

I'm not talking from personal experience but how I think it might be if I was in the situation described. Please let me know what you think.

“Stealing My Thunder”

I won’t allow you to steal my thunder

I won’t let you take my voice

I know I’ll be stronger for my trial

Even when I didn’t ask for help I was shown I had another choice.

You won’t steal my thunder

You won’t drag me around by the hand

I’ve found someone worthy of me – it’s me

So I no longer have to live with your demands.

When you first started taking my thunder

It was little things like shouting and pulling my hair

Then it got more serious, you drew blood and left bruises

You stood above me laughing and mocking “Ha ha! Life’s so not fair!”

When I let you steal my thunder

I let you take my pride as you slept around

I let you take me for a foolish fool

I let you beat my spirit into the ground.

As my thunder was continually eroded

No one near to me had a clue

They only thought this vivacious woman’s a little quieter

If only the whole truth they knew.

When thunder is stolen it’s gradual

Sometimes friends and family might suspect

But an expert in denial and hiding the bruises

Ultimately through fear he controlled the noose at my neck.

When another whose thunder was stolen

Approached me one day in the street

She said so sincerely and deeply “I see you. It happened to me.”

She gave me a card and said “Call if you want to meet.”

I looked at the thunderbolt card she gave me

A stranger I thought ‘Who the hell is she?’

I didn’t know my family told her about me

I put away the card not knowing she’d be the one to help set me free.

I decided my thunder had to come back

It hit me as I looked in the mirror one day

I saw I was a shadow of my former self

In this relationship I knew I didn’t want to stay.

My thunder was not yours to be taken

The beatings and punishment I could take no more

I gathered the courage to make that call

I asked for help and phone in hand slid crying to the floor.

My thunder is under reconstruction

An ex gave me a lesson I needn’t have been taught

I’ve been helped through this awful time in my life

To my family and friends I’m grateful for their true love and support.

As I heal I’m taking back my thunder

Eventually I’ll blossom again like a rose

I’ve realise there’s life after spousal abuse

It will take time, how long? I trust God it’s only he that knows.

© 22^nd September 2007 Written by Angee Edgar All Rights Reserved